Diagnosed of ADHD at 50: a Life Changing experience

LEON & NOEL, THE NEURODIVERGENT TWINS

Sun, 24 Nov 2024 13:01:27 GMT

Leon and Noel are twins and both have diagnoses of ADHD and ASD but there couldn’t be two more different people … and that, I’d say, is the magic of life!

LEON & NOEL, THE NEURODIVERGENT TWINS

Leon and Noel were born on 04.05.2003; Leon was born one minute earlier than Noel, so you can already guess which would be the most hyperactive, ha!

They are identical twins and both have diagnoses of ADHD and ASD but there could not be two more different people … and that, I’d say, is the magic of life!

Since they’ve always been together, they are used to each other, and although being so different hasn’t always been easy and they don’t always understand the other, they genuinely love and accept each other , how else could it be!

They also have things in common; they both have really kind natures, are incredibly interesting unique people and love the outdoors, but most importantly, they both believe in themselves and have succeeded in life… so one could say they’re both pretty happy!

DSM-5 Diagnostic Classification, describes ADHD as:

- “A persistent pattern of INATTENTION and/or HYPERACTIVITY/IMPULSIVITY

- that interferes with development

- symptoms have been present before the age of 12

- has symptoms presenting in two or more settings (home, school, work)

- and negatively impacts directly on social, academic or occupational functioning”

And, in addition to their ADHD symptoms, people with ADHD also often share some other characteristics such as these:

- They like being with others

- They get easily bored

- They can be quite a “chatter box”

- They can act and say things without thinking of the consequences which may lead to later regretting it

- They like physical activities, particularly males, so tend to play sports

- They can be quite lay back about everything going along with what others say

- They tend to leave things to the last minute to then rush them… deadlines can be a problem

- Their brains are incredibly creative and can have super talents

And this is ASD, as defined by the Diagnostic Classification DSM-5:

- “Persistent deficits in reciprocal social communication and social interaction, across multiple contexts

- as well as restricted, repetitive pattens of behaviour, interests or activities

- symptoms have been present in the early development period (although may not have become fully manifested until later on in life)

- symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning”

As with people with ADHD, those who are Autistic tend to share other similarities in addition to their ASD traits; some examples are these:

- They like their own company, don’t need others so much

- They can keep themselves entertained with their own interests

- They don’t like talking much UNLESS it’s about their interest

- They tend to dwell on things a lot before making any decision or taking action which may lead to never doing much

- They prefer quieter hobbies, those which they can do on their own, like build things up

- They can have their own way to do things and get others to do things their way as won’t compromise easily

- They tend to take their time when doing things as are quite perfectionists which can mean taking too long and not meeting deadlines

- They can have super brains for numbers, sciences and computers

SO, ABOUT LEON …

His ADHD is more evident, particularly his hyperactivity and so, this was diagnosed first.

ADHD, being the most dominant, disguised his ASD for many years and it would have perhaps never been diagnosed if it hadn’t been for his twin, Neon, whose ASD dominates his presentation.

Leon has always been very good at sports and is a fantastic goalkeeper. Even though he is generally quite disorganised and chaotic (that’s his ADHD), when it comes to football, he’s got a very strict routine since he was a little boy (that’s his ASD).

He has to lay down his football kit on his bed in a certain way and has an order to wear everything; when he gets to his boots, he always wears the right one first and the shoelaces go in a very specific way.

Even though Leon is the most sociable of the two brothers and is always with friends (his ADHD), he prefers just to play football all the time. If having a conversation, he likes it to be about football, sports or gaming (restricted topics, ASD).

Leon found easier making friends just by playing football and, as he was very good at it, he became more popular than he was comfortable with. He always found it difficult to interact with others but has become much better at doing so with age (his ASD).

He lives in the city as he’s always busy and likes being able to do anything at any time (his ADHD). His flat is rather untidy (ADHD)but, somehow, he seems to know where things are within his mess, ha!

He recognises he can sometimes get overstimulated (his ASD) but he doesn’t always know when he needs to take a break. This can lead to Leon having some anger outbursts, as he’s not as good finding ways to release distress and self-regulate as Noel is.

He’s also very clever but not with numbers like Noel but in a creative way (more his ADHD). He works as a game designer and is very good at it as he can also “over-fixate” (his ASD) and master what he does. Most of the games he creates are sports related; he loves his job!

AS FOR NOEL …

He had his ASD diagnosed first as this is quite more severe than his ADHD, although, as with Leon, both conditions are evident.

Noel always preferred the more “exact sciences” and is incredibly good with maths; he now works as computer programmer and he’s really good at his job.

He prefers it “quiet” rather than “noisy” so likes his own company (ASD) and he often loses track of time as can spend hours, even days, fixated on researching more on some “marine organism” that he’s learning about at the time; he is like a walking encyclopaedia on all types of marine life! (that’s his ASD)

He doesn’t like talking much but, when it is about something he’s interested on, like marine life or computers, he can then talk for hours and doesn’t realise the other person lost interest after the first 5 minutes, ha! (this is his ASD)

He needs to know when things are happening well in advance, who is going, the exact time, and every other detail (this is his ASD). He also has a way to do everything and he‘ll say that’s the right way; he needs to feel in control always and can get quite stubborn about things (also his ASD).

Yet, his bedroom is generally quite untidy (he says he knows where everything is although no one could find anything, ha!) and his work desk full of all sorts including 4 or 5 empty cans and another few sandwich wrappers (this is his ADHD).

When sitting down to eat, he always gets up several times (this is his ADHD) to get some water or go to the bathroom or change to another more comfortable chair; if watching TV, he’ll never finish a film as he gets easily distracted and bored (also his ADHD).

He can get quite impulsive with buying things on line (this is his ADHD) and has, at times, got in a bit of debt; for example when buying an expensive collection of books on Marine life, or paid his registration to attend a conference on Marine Biology at the “Ocean university” in China (trip that he never made as too anxious to fly abroad).

He lives in the countryside and spending time outdoors helps him self-regulate, particularly if he’s had to go into the office and interact with people as he spends the day “masking” and his anxiety builds up.

MY REFLECTIONS…

- Notwithstanding the huge challenges some neurodivergent people have due to the severity of their ADHD/ASD symptoms, if we were all more inclusive, N eurodiversity would not be considered a disorder but, simply, a different way of presenting, of BEING .

- What hinders success in neurodivergent people is NOT so much their neurodiversity but their lack of SELF-BELIEVE which buries their TALENTS.

- Society, and EVERYONE in it, have a responsibility to EVOLVE and ADAPT to include every form of BEING.

- For starters, major and urgent TRANSFORMATION in EDUCATION is required where children should learn about TRUE EQUALITY and are genuinely supported to LEARN in their own way, and so, achieve their true POTENTIAL .

- This TRANSFORMATION takes place WITHIN each of us; it's a change in how we understand people, the world, LIFE!

A change in attitude towards a more HUMANE one, that one that is more LOVING, CARING, ACCEPTING, INCLUSIVE, TOLERANT, HUMBLE … leaving behind old believes, assumptions and judgment.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS…

REFLECTIONS: "I BELIEVE"

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 23:30:49 GMT

I BELIEVE... in the bright inner diamond that we ALL have and makes us all PERFECT; do you?

I BELIEVE.

Hundreds of years ago, there was this King, “King of All Kingdoms”, travelling on his Chariot, very excited and happy, to visit his first newborn nephew and present him with all sorts of jewels and precious gifts.

On his way, he stopped when seeing on the side of the road, a poor very young man with long hair and ripped clothes leaning on a tree half asleep.

The King shook this man’s shoulder to wake him up but didn’t quite succeed. The King feeling happy and generous placed a big bright shiny diamond inside the pocket of his ripped jacket and then continued his journey.

Many years later, the same king was on the same road, again to visit his nephew who was now getting married.

Exactly on the same spot as before, there was the same poor man, this time looking much older and with much longer hair but still wearing the same ripped clothes. The king again came off his Chariot and approached the poor man who this time was awake.

The king asked: "Forgive my intrusion but what are you doing here, leaning on this tree, with these ripped clothes?"

The poor man replied: "I am poor and have always been. I was a slave 30 years ago and was let free but had nowhere to go so I have been here ever since, eating what passing travellers generously give me."

The King then said: "But I passed by 30 years ago and placed a precious diamond of immeasurable value in the inside pocket of your jacket."

The poor man checked his pocket and astonished found a bright shiny precious invaluable diamond which had carried inside him all along.

He then said: "I was half awake when you put it in my pocket, but I did not believe it could be true so thought it had all been a dream never even bothering to check."

The man then wondered how his life would have turned out to be like if he had only believed he was worthy of more, if he had been braved enough to try something different; but he had been too frightened to lose his spot by the tree, where he had shelter with the big branches and leaves as well as staying by the side of the road where travellers could stop and give him some food.

If he hadn't had always justified his fear to change with all those "excuses" but, instead, had just "Trusted"... trusted his potential, trusted the Universe's wisdom and magic... he would have then realised he had this infinitely bright lighting jewel inside him.

REFLECTIONS:

I BELIEVE we all have a diamond of immeasurable value within us but most of us don’t think that is possible and never even wonder, therefore living in poverty (in the widest sense).

I also BELIEVE that most of us live our lives as slaves… slaves trapped in our own chains, chains of fear, self-doubt, insecurity, anger, resentment… too scared to let go, TRUST and experience freedom.

Perhaps we don’t need to wait 30 years to realise we already have all we need to be happy and live in abundance, and all we need is to BELIEVE it, not fear and TRUST.

Perhaps we need to BELIEVE in ourselves and in everyone else, all to be equally gifted.

If we BELIEVE this, we will then all accept each other as we are, and feel love, respect and compassion for ourselves and everyone else, understanding that we all are perfect just the way we are.

To do so, we need to start letting go of assumptions and treat everyone exactly the way we would like ourselves to be treated, accepting differences as different forms of perfection.

I agree it’s not easy. I have to remind myself every day!

But I keep trying and every day I do a little bit better.

Some days, I don’t do that well, but I try not to be too hard on myself as I know tomorrow, I’ll try my very best again.

We all make this world, and we all want a better one. We therefore all have the responsibility to start making changes in the way we think, we communicate, we feel, and we act; changes to Believing.

I BELIEVE it all starts here, with all of us setting the INTENTION to BELIEVE we are ALL GIFTED and PERFECT as we are, and so, we contribute towards a better, happier world.

Thank you for believing.

MYL

The Fascinating ADHD and ASD comorbidity

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 18:40:51 GMT

The fascinating comorbid ADHD + ASD... what 50 years ago was deemed as impossible, today is a fact... here we explore what may also become a fact in another 50 years?

The purpose of this article is to reflect on the presentation of comorbid ADHD and ASD which is very different to when these two conditions present separately, highlighting the challenges of diagnosing this FASCINATING COMORBIDITY whilst exploring its potential and strength, and learning on the way.

I refer to this comorbidity as fascinating as, how symptoms and traits mix, has the potential of resulting on an amazingly successful combination or, on the other hand, leading to a much greater challenge in getting through life. Individuals with the amazing trait combination of this ADHD + ASD comorbidity are likely to have successful careers and never present in Mental Health (MH services whereas those with the more challenging trait combination are more likely to present in MH services due to the comorbidity itself or secondary presentations such as depression or anxiety.

THE FASCINATING ADHD + ASD COMORBIDITY

50 years ago, comorbid ADHD and ASD was nearly unthinkable. Nowadays, not only we know they do coexist, but they actually express from the same genetic loading.

It’s been a great help that research and science have enabled the transition from ADHD and ASD not coexisting to both conditions having common genetics and often expressing as comorbid conditions… how often is debatable, and this article tries to raise awareness on this comorbid presentation being much more common than it is recognised.

Research and science did its job demonstrating comorbidity of these two conditions, but what it cannot do is enabling professionals to recognise this comorbid ADHD + ASD presentation, which, based on the symptoms/symptom clusters as described in diagnostic classifications (see below), shouldn’t be difficult, but the reality is quite different.

Diagnosing ADHD or ASD on their own, as sole conditions, can be challenging and controversial enough. There is a lot of difference of opinion about what is “normality” and what falls beyond, where is the threshold for diagnosis, how wide is the spectrum on ASD, what “significant impairment” really means, how it makes sense that greater severity in symptoms can get masked by stronger protective factors such as High IQ, special talents or very supportive educational/family environments which means that a less severe presentation would get a diagnosis but a more severe one with protective factors wouldn’t as presenting with overall better functioning…

The consequence of such diagnostic challenge is that many people are not getting a diagnosis of either ADHD or ASD when they may be actually presenting with both.

Here below is a simplified, basic summary of symptoms and symptom-cluster as shown in diagnostic classifications (DSM 5). These are only the symptoms, as there are also other essential diagnosis criteria before a diagnosis can be formulated.

DIAGNOSTIC SYMPTOMS/CLUSTER CRITERIA:

ADHD:

- Inattention

- Impulsivity

- Hyperactivity

ASD:

- Difficulties with Social Communication and social interaction

- Repetitive/restricted Behaviours

And here below are some example areas showing that dichotomy in the comorbid presentation and symptom “contradiction” that leads to the diagnostic challenge:

Well, if diagnosing these conditions separately, ADHD and ASD, is challenging enough, diagnosing their comorbid presentation is a whole other world! Whilst the symptom/symptom cluster diagnostic criteria can be reasonably clear, the combination, overlapping and interlinking of symptoms and traits can be so unique in each individual that it can make recognising the underlying neurodevelopmental condition an outstanding challenge.

As it can be seen from the table above, someone with this comorbid presentation could have some severe symptoms of one condition that would mask traits supporting the diagnosis of the other condition and so, the comorbid presentation would be missed.

For example, one individual can present with a “deficit of attention”, find it difficult to focus, tend to “scan” and yet, hyper-focus on a certain topic which they get fixated on, that way disguising the diagnosis of ADHD.

Another individual can present with an apparent like for socialisation typical of ADHD but, when explored in depth, relationships are superficial, one sided, controlling or imposing, lacking “intimacy” and yet again, disguising the comorbid diagnosis, the ASD on this occasion.

Therefore, not only there is a unique, individual combination of symptoms/traits within the ADHD + ASD comorbidity, but each of those can separately vary in degree of severity allowing infinite variations on how comorbid ADHD + ASD may present as well as why one of those would get recognised but not the other one when both are present.

Often parents are perplexed with how their child can be so chaotic with most things but so particular with others, so generally disorganised and yet so specific and fixated with others, so forgetful but have such an incredible memory with certain facts or topics.... Often these parents get frustrated with such contradictions and can't understand them.

To add to this diagnostic challenge, if the individual presents with a high IQ, ADHD is going to be masked throughout education, the higher the IQ, the longer the attention deficit is hidden for. And if the social interaction is not the most severe aspect of ASD, again the individual’s ASD is likely to get un-noticed perhaps throughout their whole life.

I believe this fascinating comorbidity is more common than ever before, and I believe one of the reasons may be “Survival of the fittest” and “theory of evolution” as I have mentioned in another previous article. It would seem as if severe presentations of ASD are becoming less common whereas the better adapted ASD is becoming quite more common.

This more adapted version of ASD seems to also express with ADHD symptoms which provide the ASD with a more balanced overall outcome placing the comorbid presentation in quite a stronger position than if isolated.

My observation is that, indeed, many successful businessmen, entrepreneurs, actors, sportsmen, and similar, do present with this fascinating ADHD + ASD comorbidity and they have a wonderful mix of symptoms and traits supporting that successful career.

Furthermore, over 80-90% of patients in my private practice who have parents with particularly successful careers (in the groups mentioned above) present with difficulties on both ADHD and ASD even if they don’t meet criteria for both diagnoses, and when exploring the family history, there is a strong suggestion of ADHD and ASD if no formal diagnoses.

I'd like to finish with some points to reflect on:

- Are these so called “disorders” no longer such and, instead, the best adapting traits are surviving and becoming a stronger genetic version in human evolution?

- Is it time to stop referring to them as disorders?

- If this comorbidity is becoming more and more common, will it go from being the minority to becoming the majority one day?

- If this comorbidity is particularly common amongst very successful people, why are they not diagnosed and what does this mean?

- If so many of the most successful people in the world present with traits and symptoms of this ADHD + ASD comorbidity, is this a sign of Evolution?

Maybe one day we’ll know all these answers but, for now, we continue being curious, open-minded and learning.

THANK YOU.

Diagnosed of ADHD at 50: a Life Changing experience

Mon, 03 Jul 2023 16:06:28 GMT

Diagnosed of ADHD at 50: a Life Changing experience

Introduction

Two men in their 50s receive an ADHD diagnosis which changes their lives:

J’s email to myself within a week of starting medication: “I am a completely different person now Dr. The transformation is beyond comprehension.

I’ve never looked forward to my life in the past, ever, and I’m 50 now.

Thank you so much!”

M’s email to myself after 4 days on medication: “It’s been an absolute game-changer for me and the family and thank you so much once again for your fantastic support”.

Aim of this Article

The purpose of this article is to raise awareness amongst mental health professionals to look deeper into “apparent” presentations and think of possible underlying conditions such as ADHD perpetuating symptoms and only allowing to partial improvements.

It is also aiming to raise awareness in everyone on how pervasive ADHD is and how it is worth to understand one’s difficulties and mental health challenges in order to search for the right help and support.

A diagnosis of ADHD and consequent treatment can change not only a person’s life but also his family’s (due to the extended impact on the whole family) as described below.

Following from the above, not everyone with ADHD requires a diagnosis or medication. To explore this further there is an article on my website www.mindyrlife.com which explores diagnosis further “ADHD… Diagnosis or Not”.

Prevalence of ADHD as Diagnosis and as Presentation, two different things!

Indeed, I believe there are many people out there with ADHD who are doing just fine without a diagnosis; there may be many different reasons for this including individual, family and/or environmental supportive and protective factors.

One or more of these “protective factors” have enabled them to compensate for the challenges that come along with ADHD. They’re not even likely to be aware they have ADHD.

Furthermore, I believe there are more people with an ADHD-like presentation who don’t have a diagnosis than those who have actually received a formal diagnosis.

This is explained by the fact that a diagnosis of ADHD is only given when symptoms impact sufficiently on daily functioning which means that someone could have an ADHD presentation but wouldn’t meet the criteria for diagnosis as they’ve got protective factors, most commonly high IQ, which reduce the impact of their ADHD symptoms on their daily functioning (such as impact on academic performance in school, working performance, social vulnerability and others).

ADHD Diagnosis + Treatment changing Lives after the age of 50:

Two similar stories of two men aged 50 and 58 who, after struggling all their lives with depression, anxiety and other mental health problems, get a diagnosis of ADHD in their 50s which changes their lives when medication is prescribed.

In the last 6 months, I have diagnosed two men in their early and late 50s with ADHD.

When I first met them, they were both presenting with depression and anxiety; therefore, we agreed to “treating” those first.

As I explained to them, it’s not right to assess ADHD when depression and anxiety are present since these “mimic” ADHD symptoms and, therefore, any evaluation of ADHD symptoms would be inaccurate and biased.

In other words, the 3 symptoms of ADHD, inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity are seen in anxiety; if someone is feeling anxious, they are “hypervigilant” and won’t be able to concentrate well on anything (inattention); if someone is anxious, they’ll be restless and fidgety (hyperactivity) and equally more likely to startle, over-react and respond with “fight/fight” (impulsivity).

On those bases, unless the anxiety is well managed, accurately assessing ADHD is much harder.

Indeed, I have seen misdiagnoses of ADHD in people with chronic anxiety as well as seeing people with chronic anxiety never diagnosed with ADHD as everything was explained on the basis of the anxiety. Hence why it’s so important to be aware of the comorbidity of both conditions!

J’s story

J had been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when he was in his mid 20s. He had then been prescribed Lithium which made him feel unwell so eventually stopped.

He had suffered with mood swings, depression and anxiety throughout all his life.

For a number of years he had used alcohol as a coping mechanism which helped him feel more settled and released when under the influence but, of course, didn’t help with his difficulties in the longer term (on the contrary, and as expected, made things worse.)

J tried to get professional help many times but all professionals ever saw were the “outer layer”, his mood swings and attempts to self-medicate with the use of alcohol.

I met J a bit before he was turning 50. He had heard about ADHD and asked if an assessment could be done. It was evident that J was presenting with clinical depression and chronic anxiety as well as long term sleep problems.

Based on his presentation, we needed to prioritise managing his depression/anxiety before we could really look into the likely underlying ADHD.

When we did so, J’s responded very well to antidepressant medication and his mood soon lifted as his anxiety reduced therefore managing daily life better.

It was then time to look at his ADHD symptoms and his chaotic lifestyle.

As it’s often the case, ADHD questionnaires took ages to be returned as J misplaced them several times (before and even after completing them) which delayed the assessment a few months.

J had a Qb Check which, again as expected, scored him highly for the 3 ADHD symptoms, in line with the diagnosis. J was shocked at how highly he had scored.

Once we formalised the diagnosis, J had conflicting emotions about it; on the one hand he felt frustrated and even angry at the fact that he had been going for professional help during the previous 25 years and no one had thought of ADHD and, on the other hand, J was hugely relieved with hopeful after a very long time.

J then looked forwards to a trial of ADHD medication, yet also felt rather anxious about it.

We then discussed medication options and, after the relevant physical health checks, J started a neurostimulant. The response was almost immediate and the impact on his life impressive.

J shared with me that not only he was aware of the massive difference but everyone around him, family members, friends and work colleagues had commented on the change. J was absolutely delighted with it.

J has not been on antidepressants for several months and his mood has remained stable (actually he presents brighter and happier than I had ever seen them since meeting him a year before).

J had also been prescribed Circadin for many months to help with his sleep but he was no longer needing them.

His daughter is now undertaking an ADHD assessment as J recognises the ADHD symptoms in her.

M's Story

M’s daughter was first referred to me and during our first consultation she enquired about a possible ADHD presentation.

Whilst M’s daughter had been researching ADHD, M had seen the resemblance of the symptoms on himself and so, also enquired about ADHD.

On meeting M and exploring his mental health history, he shared he had been prescribed antidepressants at variable dosages, on and off, for years. My advice was to take them again and we adjusted the dosage accordingly to manage both the low mood as well as the anxiety symptoms.

M also had major problems with sleep both during the day in that he would dozed off as soon as he sat down, but also during the night when he could only get a few hours of sleep leading to chronic tiredness.

Once M responded to the antidepressant medication and there was an evident improvement on his overall presentation, we agreed to undertake an ADHD assessment.

M completed the ADHD questionnaire and so did his wife to have another reference. M then undertook a Qb Check which he was convinced he’d do very well on.

M was surprised on how challenging he found to do the Qb test and was taken back with his performance and high scoring on all the 3 symptoms of ADHD, in line with an ADHD diagnosis.

When M received the diagnosis of ADHD, he also had mixed feelings: “I have mixed emotions about the diagnosis ranging from massive relief to frustration at not acting on it sooner!”

As I responded to M’s self-critical comment, his IQ is likely to be well above average and, most possibly, will have masked his severe inattention.

Furthermore, it’s really encouraging to see how a man in his 50s has the courage to pursue an ADHD diagnosis aiming to improve his quality of life regardless of any potential stigma.

So in my view, it deserves huge ADMIRATION with no room left for self-disappointment, only CELEBRATION.

We discussed ADHD medication alternatives on the basis of M’s needs and profile and agreed to a trial of neurostimulant medication also.

His response was fantastic as he states on his email shown above.

M is also presenting much brighter than prior to starting the ADHD medication and, as he’s more focused and so more “aware”, he feels more in control over his life and, as a consequence, less anxious.

Another indirect benefit from the ADHD medication is the improved sleep; now that M is so much more proactive and efficient during his working day, he’s not dozing off when he sits down and he’s sleeping much better (both because he’s more tired, physically and mentally but also less anxious as feels more in control over his life).

When spoken to M’s wife, she also shared how impressed she was with the “new M” and described him as much more efficient, active, aware …

She added that his improvement was positively impacting on the whole family and she was delighted M was now doing things he had never been involved with before such as booking holidays for the family.

TAKE HOME MESSAGE:

Whilst accepting limitations, let’s never give up on IMPROVING our quality of life.

Let’s continue to LEARN on daily basis by keeping a curious attitude and an open-minded approach.

Today perhaps we can learn about ADHD DIAGNOSIS in ADULTHOOD…

COMMON BARRIERS:

Age (adults over 40 years of age) as less “pure” presentations and therefore more challenging to diagnose.
Comorbidities; presenting with other mental health conditions commonly depression/anxiety which may appear more relevant.
Most adults only seen by Primary Health services with less knowledge on ADHD- limited training on neurodiversity (ADHD and ASD) in adult mental health professionals who therefore tend to miss conditions typically from childhood/adolescence.
Misdiagnosis, most commonly bipolar disorder and personality disorder (which is different to presenting with comorbid conditions).
Limited awareness and understanding of ADHD, particularly when comorbidities present (which is often the case in childhood but most likely in adulthood)
Misconceptions on ADHD.

TIPS to RAISE AWARENESS:

Incredibly high genetic loading… make the link between ADHD presentations passed on through generations.
Think about the ADHD presentations being life long (how it showed in school).
Be mindful that by adulthood there will be many stablished coping mechanisms that have got you through life (some of them may not be too healthy) and these may mask the ADHD symptoms.

Closing Statement

Let’s always have an attitude of APPRECIATION and GRATITUDE as this is a wonderful way to maintain a positive mindset and become happier…

“Today I’m grateful to J and M for trusting me to help them and, in doing so, making my job so incredibly rewarding.”

ADHP and Theory of Evolution, a Hypothesis by Dr. Luisa Sanz, Psychiatrist

Tue, 01 Nov 2022 11:42:15 GMT

Change is the only thing that is permanent in life. Evolution is on-going continuous Change. Evolution starts with the Change in ONE being to then become two beings, then a few, and a few more to form a minority and ultimately, the majority and ALL.

ADH (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity) is slowly but surely becoming a more and more common Presentation. Therefore, should we still refer to it as a Disorder, ADHD? Perhaps, it is now time to talk about ADHP , a Presentation .

ADHP and THEORY of EVOLUTION, a Hypothesis

(NOTE ADHP – P for Presentation and not D for Disorder; using both ADHP and ADHD in the text is meant and not an error.)

Theory of Evolution: “…those organisms that are more adapted to their environment are more likely to survive and pass on their genes that aided their success leading to species changing and diverging over time”

HYPOTHESIS:

If ADH has continued to become more and more common and prevalent over the last century,

then it may not be a Disorder but instead an adaptive evolving Presentation.

Therefore, it should be managed as such, adapting systems and evolving with it rather than resisting it.

GROUNDS FOR THE HYPOTHESIS:

- 1. Prevalence of ADHP is progressively increasing as would happen with strongest genes in Evolution.

Prevalence of ADHP:

o Increasing prevalence over the last century

o Diagnostic criteria for ADHD

o ADHD Referrals to MH services

o Actual Prevalence: The 3 ADHP Profiles

- 2. Some traits of ADHP would seem to be better adapted to the 21st century world of technology as would happen with best adapted traits in Evolution.

21st Century: a World of Technology:

o Over-stimulation and Reinforcing of Short Attention Span

o Reduced need for Academic Memory, higher maths, writing

o Multiple Intelligences

- 3. ADHP’s nature and Spiritual Laws of Success, fitting in with Evolution towards Purpose and Happiness.

Evolving for Survival “evolves” onto Evolving for Purpose and Happiness:

o ADHP’s usual nature

o Finding our Talent to find Purpose; finding Purpose to find Happiness

o From Physical Survival to Spiritual growth; Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra

I. PREVALENCE OF ADHP

1. Increasing prevalence over the last century

It is evident that ADHD was hardly spoken about 50 years ago and not a recognised condition 100 years ago.

This is likely to be due to two main reasons: firstly, ADHD is a much more common condition nowadays and, secondly and as a consequence of the first, there’s much better understanding of it, hence it can be identified and diagnosed more easily.

Prevalence for diagnosed ADHD ranges between 5 and 10% in developed countries.

In the UK waiting times for an ADHD assessment in the NHS, depending on age of the individual and geographical area, varies between 6 months and “unavailable”.

Prevalence of diagnosed ADHD is precisely that, prevalence of diagnosed ADHD, but does NOT correlate to the actual prevalence of the condition and so, most probably measuring ability to recognise the condition and resources but not the actual ADHD prevalence, therefore leading to smaller prevalence figures.

Prevalence for undiagnosed ADHD is likely to be much higher.

Prevalence for ADHP is even higher, possibly3 or 4 times.

WHY IS ADHD DESCRIBED AS A DISORDER WHEN ADHP IS SO COMMON?

2. Diagnostic criteria for ADHD

As per most common Diagnostic classifications used in the UK (ICD 10 and DSM 5) as well as the diagnostic guidelines from NICE (evidence-based recommendations for health and care in England), ADHD is a Disorder which is diagnosed not only on the bases of the symptom presentation, their severity/duration and pervasiveness but also in relation to the level of interference with functioning or development.

Based on the above, anyone with the symptoms, regardless of severity, would not get any recognition if not “struggling”.

Therefore, one could have severe inattention with higher IQ than average and so never achieve academic potential, yet it would be very unlikely for such an individual to ever get diagnosed with ADHD, particularly if following parents business or when having other outstanding skills to dedicate to such as music, sports, acting, etc.

WHY IS THERE SUCH RESISTANCE TO RECOGNISE ADHP?

COULD IT BE BECAUSE ADHP IS SO COMMON AND THEREFORE “NORMAL”?

3. ADHD Referrals to MH services

Individuals with ADHD get referred mainly for 2 reasons: either they can’t meet the demands from Education/society in terms of academic and behaviour expectations OR they present with comorbid and/or secondary disorders to the ADHD.

Individuals with undiagnosed/untreated ADHD, after years of struggles tend to develop mental health problems with low self-esteem/self-worth/confidence, self-harming, anxiety, depression… not knowing who they are and even some questioning their identity in an attempt to “find themselves and fit in”.

Often they are aware of their strengths and talents but those are irrelevant as they’re failing in “the most important subjects”, the academic ones.

HOW WOULD CHILDREN/ADOLESCENTS WITH ADH”D” DEVELOP IF THEY WERE ACCEPTED BY WHO THEY ARE AND SUPPORTED FROM DAY ONE?

WOULD THEY EVER GET “REFERRED” FOR AN ADHD ASSESSMENT?

4. Actual Prevalence: The 3 ADHP Profiles

The ADHP who struggles and gets referred for assessment of ADHD- most common profile:

- Reduced attention span, “scanning living style”

- Impulsive, willing to try/to give it a go, risk taking

- Tendency to be on the go, energetic,

- Unaware of their potential, frustrated in school/work

- Fear stops them from trying

- Normal intelligence (can also be below or above with comorbidities)

- Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future

- Feels unsupported, non-understood, judged, worthless.

- Anxious, lacking confidence

- Low self esteem, low mood (possibly self-harming)

- Self medicating with alcohol/drugs (often cannabis)

- Other MH comorbidities (often Anxiety dis., depressive dis., ASD)

The ADHP who has difficulties but gets through Education without an ADHD assessment – most common profile:

- As type 1 but with more protective factors:

o More confident

o Better supported (in school, by family)

o With more stability

o Less secondary difficulties

The ADHP who doesn’t struggle and becomes professionally successful– most common profile:

- Reduced attention span, “scanning living style”

- Impulsive, willing to try/to give it a go, risk taking

- Tendency to be on the go, energetic

- Aware of their talent, potential, gift

- Normal or above average intelligence

- “here and now”, don’t plan too ahead, “go with the flow”

- Adapt to change and improvise, think outside the box

- Confident, secure

- Have a sense of self worth, comfortable with who they are

- None or manageable mental health comorbidities

- Supportive context/environment

II. 21ST CENTURY: A WORLD OF TECHNOLOGY

1. Over-stimulation and Reinforcing of Short Attention Span

Developing society seems to be more suited for those with the ability to switch attention fast, have a “scanning” approach and thriving on over-stimulation.

And we are indeed witnessing an ever increasing of ADHP.

By their “inattentive” nature, ADHP-ers scan for anything that may grab their interest (their “attention”). Perhaps, ADH-Pers have an instinct to discard what they’re not good at and search for what they are very good at and would be worth investing their time in.

ADHP would seem more adapted to the “forever developing technology-based world we live in” and those genes aiding to the species success are being passed on and diverging the species over time.

WHY WOULD SUCH A WORLD OF FAST TECHNOLOGY HAVE SO MUCH RELEVANCE NOWADAYS AND WHY IS IT ADOPTED BY SUCH A HUGE POPULATION?

IS ALL THIS POPULATION ADHP-ERS?

ARE HUMAN BRAINS EVOLVING IN SUCH A DIRECTION?!

2. Reduced need for Academic Memory, higher maths, writing

Information is readily available all the time, one just has to “google” the query and there is your answer! There is less and less of a need to memorise information, less and less of a need to learn higher maths or even to write (as we mainly type now and have “spelling corrector”).

Perhaps ADHP is at the head of this evolving technological world!

WOULD TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES SUPPORT OR GO AGAINST EVOLUTION?

WOULD THE WAY WE LEARN, HOW WE STORE/RETRIEVE INFORMATION, AND HOW WE FIND OUR TALENTS AND DEVELOP OUR POTENTIAL EVOLVE WITH PROGRESSING TECHNOLOGY?

DO WE CONTINUE TO IGNORE THIS REALITY?

The current educational system limits the learning curriculum to mainly “academic” subjects and therefore discards anyone without an academic ability, yet still making them submit to it which often leads onto “academic failure” and the consequent believe of “not being good enough”.

Teachers are asked to meet targets but not to really teach. Children "have to be managed" as numbers and statistics to meet targets and expectations but not as beings full of life and potential ready to be uncovered!

3. Multiple Intelligences

Nearly 40 years ago, Dr. H. Gardner proposed the existence of 9 intelligences on the basis that using IQ as the only basis to understand intelligence was too restrictive since each individual is gifted with their own unique qualities and talents.

He therefore suggested the following different intelligences: visual-spatial, linguistic-verbal, interpersonal, intrapersonal, logical-mathematical, musical, naturalistic, bodily-kinaesthetic and existentialist.

If we’ve been talking about these multiple intelligences for decades now, how are we still “teaching” children based on such a reduced learning curriculum and limited personal development approach? Why are we putting all children into the same boxes expecting them all to learn in the same way, one which they’re not all predisposed to.

ADHP-ers seem to be particularly creative and bodily skilled; those may their strongest intelligences leading to talents and purposes to be uncovered.

John Lennon once said “every child is an artist until he’s told he’s not” and that is the power we all have over next generations and evolution itself.

I S THE WORLD MISSING OUT ON AMAZING CREATIVITY AND ITS MANIFESTATION, ON INCREDIBLE HIDDEN TALENTS, ON OUTSTANDING GIFTS TO BE SHARED BECAUSE WE TOLD THEM “NO” WHEN THEY WERE CHILDREN?

III. EVOLVING FOR SURVIVAL “EVOLVES” ONTO EVOLIVING FOR PURPOSE AND HAPPINESS

1. ADHP’s usual nature

The following is based on observations made over 25 years of working and living around ADHP-ers.

There seems to be some common traits they tend to present with and which are preserved if enabled to expressed themselves as who they are gifting the world with their talents.

- Young mind, enthusiastic, willing

- Lay back nature, easy going, “happy go lucky”

- Generous, giving, helpful, caring, loving

- Letting go, care-free, going with the flow, detached

- Can change easily, accepting, improvising and adapting

- Energetic, open minded

- Creative, imaginative

- Naïve, trusting, believers

- Charismatic, attractive personality, sociable, people’s person

- Passionate, devoted, invested, talented

- “scanning” and following their instinct, effortless. feels right and flows

In my experience, the vast majority of children with ADHP have this nature but when referred to MH services, they’ve often been substituting those beautiful traits with fear, worry, anxiety, distress, mistrust, low self-esteem, low confidence, low self-worth….oppositional behaviours, defiance, alcohol abuse, drug misuse.

COULD THERE BE A LINK BETWEEN “EASY FLOWING” NATURE, ALIGMENT AND EVOLUTION?

2. Finding our Talent to find Purpose; finding Purpose to find Happiness

It would seem as if ADHP-ers have that ability to discard what they don’t like in search of what flows easily, what feels right, what seems to suit their character, their talent… and so, one could argue these individuals are more likely to find purpose and so happiness!

When ADHP-ers can follow their instinct and allow their nature to guide them, their talent then stands out and their purpose then follows ”effortlessly”.

There are many ADHP-ers amongst entrepreneurs, actors/actresses, presenters, singers, sportsmen/women. It would almost seem as if ADHP-ers are highly represented amongst these successful groups…

Albert Einstein, one of the greatest minds of all time yet as a child told by his teacher he would never amount to anything, was an ADHP-er himself… does this not tell us something!

His way of learning was unusual; he said: “I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world”.

He turned out to be incredible talented and seemed to have found his purpose; he did, indeed, gif the world with it!

Whether he found happiness or not, he would have to say himself, but the way he spoke about LOVE in the letters he wrote to his daughter during the latest stage of his life, would perhaps suggest he was getting quite close if not there!

ARE ADHP TRAITS FAVOURABLE TO SUCCESS IN CERTAIN ARENAS?

3. From Physical Survival to Spiritual Growth; Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra

ADHP-ers seem to have an instinct to follow some spiritual laws as described by Deepak Chopra which lead to Spiritual growth, purpose and happiness.

The one they are masters at is the “Law of Least Effort”, naturally choosing the path of least resistance and effort; they seem comfortable letting things be and just going with the flow.

Nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease.

They also seem to be able to stay “children” for longer and live the present not worrying much about the future.

Indeed during their neuro-development they tend to be 3 years behind than those of their chronological age and then seem to stay with a “forever young mind”, naïve, excitable, enthusiastic, ready for new adventures, open minded.

COULD THERE BE A LINK BETWEEN ADHP, SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND EVOLUTION?

CONCLUSION:

Change is usually resisted.

Evolution is a process of constant change, very slow but forever ongoing.

It takes many years and several generations to “see” the changes that Evolution brings.

The "majority" tends to resist the minority. Perhaps because of the change this implies; perhaps due to a sense of losing control or feeling “threatened”.

Every Evolutionary change always started with the change in one single being.

One, that later became two, and then a few, and a few more amounting to a minority…

COULD ADHP BE AN EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS?

Perhaps we need to learn from what Albert Einstein once said: “we cannot solve problems with the same thinking that created them.”

Therefore, continuing to deal with ADHD as a Disorder can’t lead to solving the problem society’s thinking created precisely by describing it as a disorder.

Whilst we continue to think of it as a Disorder, we’ll continue to perpetuate it as a problem.

Instead, if we understand it as a Presentation, our perception of it will change and we can then adapt to new ways in society, education, employment to suit everyone and so, enhancing differences, diversity, evolution.

My daughter has a diagnosis of ADHD but do I see her as having a disorder of ADH? Goodness me, NO!

I see her as an ADHP-er, full of talent and potential, incredibly gifted.

Of course she still has much to “grow and evolve”; haven’t we all?

She has to learn about patience and delayed gratification, about the power of silence. She has to learn not to fear, not to worry, not to feel anxious; about her inner strength.

She has lots to learn…

Yet, she is one of my greatest “maestros” and I’ve been learning from her for over 20 years. I’ve been learning from her nature, from her ways, from the amazing being she is with her ADHP and because of her ADHP!

I actually believe her “P” is for Potential and Power!

So, perhaps society as a whole needs to break down those barriers created from assumptions and judgement to adopt a much more humble approach to life becoming the open-minded, accepting, caring, loving beings we’re evolving to be!

If Evolution takes place through Change, perhaps it’s time to change our understanding of ADHP and allow natural Evolution.

ADHD... Diagnosis or Not? An Exploration with Dr. Luisa Sanz

Fri, 28 Oct 2022 00:11:23 GMT

Should I have an assessment?
Should I get a diagnosis?
Should I share that I’ve got a diagnosis?
Should I take medication?
Should my child have an assessment, get a diagnosis or take medication?

Have you ever asked yourself those questions? Are you now trying to decide what to do? Well, let’s then think about it!

GIVING CONTEXT TO THE QUESTION

First of all, we need to put those questions in the context of the society in which we live... As, if for example, we lived in the Amazon forest and were part of an indigenous tribe, we would have not even heard about ADHD, and its treatment would be completely irrelevant!

So, why is it that ADHD “exists” in the Occidental world?

Furthermore, what is it about our society that ADHD warrants being described as a disorder reaching the threshold for a diagnosis and often requiring pharmacological treatment?

The answer is just as simple as it seems: our society expects certain ways of “being” (behaving, acting, thinking, feeling, relating...) to meet demands on learning, performing, working... and that way, “existing” into a well-defined and structured society with pre- determined ideas about how to be whilst dismissing who we really are and, in such way, “boxing” us into achieving the goals that such society has planned for all of us.

Why our society would be as mentioned above? That is a whole different discussion altogether and most likely, ultimately to do with ignorance.

AIM OF DIAGNOSIS AND/OR TREATMENT

So now that we are on the right context of ADHD in our society, what would be the advantages of getting an assessment/diagnosis and treatment?

To answer that question, one then needs to be clear about “what is the goal one is aiming to achieve, what is the purpose of the assessment/diagnosis/treatment?”

These are some of possible aims:

To gain better understanding of myself...

You then may not need a formal assessment with a formal diagnosis. Some “psychoeducation” on ADHD (reading about it, watching informative videos and attending some ADHD groups or conferences) is likely to be sufficient for you to “know” and gain understanding around your challenges and symptoms, and most importantly, to learn strategies and techniques to minimise those difficulties and maximise your strengths.

There are many reputable ADHD websites with a vast amount of information, advice, tips and self-help suggestions.

So people don’t judge me or say I’m “lazy/thick/disrespectful” or other...

Well, perhaps you need to accept people tend to judge whether you have a diagnosis or not... they may say you’re lazy now and when you get the diagnosis they’ll then say your ADHD is an excuse! They're judging is about them and not about you though.

Therefore, what you may need is not so much a diagnosis but some exploration and realisation of who you really are so you don’t allow others’ opinions to distress you; “some work on your self-worth may be worth”!

To get the right support in Education or at work...

For this you will need a formal assessment and diagnosis as, unfortunately, this is the only way to get recognition and acknowledgment, resources and support.

This is particularly important if you or your child struggle with academics or mentally demanding jobs.

To have an easier life...

Perhaps you’ve been struggling for long enough and it’s time to have it “easier”. Or perhaps, because you’ve had it hard enough, you wish for your child to have it “easier”.

The expectations of our society are, at the very least, puzzling but here is where we live and whilst we are, both individually and collectively, trying to change such, we still are where we are today.

For a child with ADHD, school can sometimes become rather traumatic leading to long term low self-esteem, low confidence, low sense of worth, anxiety, depression, alcoholism, drug use... and the list goes on.

For those, a diagnosis and medication can make their lives much easier and stop the down spiral of mental health problems allowing them to achieve their potential, or at least, the potential society expects from them (which really may not have much to do with their real potential, talents and gifts).

To take medication...

Again yes, here you do need an assessment to get a formal diagnosis and then have access to prescribed medication.

This would be the case if your ADHD symptoms lead you to struggling to manage the daily demands of a society requiring high levels of efficiency in the way that “is already expected”:

either in an Education system that doesn’t allow much creativity, spontaneity or movement
or at a job that it’s equally highly structured and defined
or simply when having to fit in too many things in one day, every day, with hardly any time to “breath”
or whichever your case may be that requires you to maximise your ability to concentrate and reduce your impulsivity whilst employing your energy most efficiently.

To be happier...

Here, we may NOT need a diagnosis and/or medication... instead, perhaps we need a much better way of understanding who we are and our purpose in life!

Perhaps we, society as a whole, need to break down barriers that come from assumptions and judgement... and adopt a more humble approach to life becoming open-minded and non-judgemental , accepting, caring, more loving!

Psychiatrist Breaks Down The Anatomy Of Achievable, Sustainable Goals

Tue, 12 Apr 2022 15:22:10 GMT

We are so pleased to announce that Dr. Luisa Sanz has just launched her guided wellbeing journal: My Journal, MYLife . This will support you in achieving the changes you set off to make in your life whilst, effortlessly, you’ll also be changing your outlook towards a more positive one ultimately leading to a more fulfilling, happier life.

This journal was written and developed by Dr. Luisa Sanz. You'll find space for reflection, introspection, learning, and growth. This is a springboard to becoming a better version of yourself through proving your inner strength and so achieving a deeper self-understanding and a greater sense of purpose.

While tools like this can be extremely valuable, and we know you will benefit greatly from this journal, we wanted to explore goal setting further to help you understand the intention behind the journal and help you succeed in the goals you set out for yourself.

Here is an interview with Dr. Sanz about goals. We hope you enjoy it! If you’re ready to make positive changes in your life, get your journal now!

What is a Goal?

A goal is anything that we aim for or want to change. When we’re setting goals and imagining those changes, one would expect that they will improve our quality of life or be beneficial somehow. So, most goals are positive in nature, either in the short term, long term, or both. Sometimes reaching one’s goals seems very difficult, and in the short term it can appear to make life harder or more of a struggle, but in the longer term, they provide a real benefit.

If you are not satisfied with some aspects of your life, then you need to reflect on why you aren’t satisfied and if it would be worth putting in the effort to make a change and improve that aspect of life. If the answer is yes, then you set out to change and the goal comes from that place.

What are some benefits of setting sustainable, achievable goals?

Good question! Instead, I would phrase it as setting achievable goals that are then sustainable. First, you have to be able to achieve the goal that you’ve set, then you need to be able to sustain it through time. The benefit of this type of achievable and sustainable goal is, in the greatest sense, a better quality of life.

You’ve likely set a goal that is going to help improve your lifestyle, when you meet this goal and elevate your lifestyle, your self-esteem will boost because you’re achieving what you’ve set out to achieve and that would also improve your confidence levels.

In our journal, we have the “Cuadruple S” or “SSSS.” It stands for Sensible, Sustainable, and Safe goals to Succeed. In setting goals that meet the “SSSS,” we are more likely to benefit from those goals in the long term.

Do you believe there is a direct link between goals and happiness?

The straight answer would be absolutely yes.

But, for deeper exploration, I’d add that people tend to misunderstand what happiness is and assume that feeling happy is being happy, but there’s an essential difference between the two. Feeling happy can be achieved by anything that temporarily brings us joy whereas being happy is a state of being, a long-term way of living; this is much harder to achieve. It is achievable, certainly, but it tends to require a longer journey.

That said, goals can be used to provide both the feeling and the state of being happy. Perhaps it makes you feel temporarily happy at first, but if it’s sustained over time, it may lead you to a happier state of being.

Happiness is achievable for all of us, but some of us are born with a more positive outlook which makes our journey much easier; whereas some others have a more negative predisposition and so need to make a greater effort in achieving goals to ultimately achieve the greatest goal of happiness.

What are some tactics that one may use to inspire real lasting change in their lives?

The greatest tactic is your mindset. You’ve got to believe in yourself, you’ve got to believe in the fact that you have a right to be happy and to achieve the goals you are setting out to. Along with the journal comes some “rules” to help you set and achieve your goals, but also to help you believe. One of the first rules is love, you must begin with love for yourself. Another rule is honesty. You’ve got to be honest with yourself as to why you are setting a specific goal and what you aim to achieve.

When it comes to goals, we tend to default to excuses and outward-facing blame if we struggle to achieve what we’ve set out to. But, if you’re honest with yourself, internal reasons for struggling to achieve goals will come to the surface. Perhaps you aren’t prioritizing yourself, perhaps you’re not ready for the change. There are three rules when entering this journal and they are absolutely crucial: you have to love yourself, you have to be honest with yourself, and you have to enter with positivity. The last one begins with a positive mindset. This is not to say that you need to be so positive that you simply can’t allow mistakes, on the contrary, it is to say that despite mistakes you still stay positive as mistakes aren’t really such, instead they’re experiences to learn from… and that’s the positive outlook we’re talking about!

You've got to ask yourself: “Is this goal important enough?” And “is it worth the effort that I need to put in?” These two questions can be answered by looking at the “why and the “who” of the goal: “Why do I want this change?” and “who am I doing it for?” This is where you need to exercise total honesty. If you can’t answer the “why,” it’s not important enough, therefore it will be harder to succeed. And if the answer to the “who” doesn’t include yourself, the change may happen but it’s not likely to last long as changing for others is never the right reason and so requires too much effort.

Next, you need to ask if the goal is realistic and if it is sustainable. You need to be able to achieve your goal, but you also need to be able to sustain the change to improve your life and your happiness in the long term. Unsustainable goals can diminish long-term benefit rather than elevate it.

So, ask yourself about why you’re doing it, who you’re doing it for, and if it’s realistic and sustainable. If you’ve got answers to all four questions, you will certainly achieve your goal.

What are some unhealthy or toxic assumptions or beliefs about goals?

In my opinion, the most toxic belief about goals is the need to change becoming an expectation from society. If you ever think that you need to fit in with society's expectations and this leads your change, then you won't succeed in your long-term goals, you may achieve them, but you won't sustain them.

Goals like these that are set to meet others’ needs and expectations are not authentic to yourself. You've got to set a goal that you believe in, not because others want you to change in that way or expect that change in you, but because you believe in those goals.

Another aspect of changing in response to social expectations leading to unsuccessful goals is comparison. When we compare ourselves to others and make changes in this way, those changes are not genuine and won’t last.

Another worrisome side of goal setting is shame and fear of failing. This is why we must enter with love, honesty, and positivity. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to readjust. When we set goals for ourselves and give ourselves room for error, we’re so much more likely to succeed and, so much more likely to just get started in the first place.

How is your journal different from what else is out there?

What sets this journal apart is the intention behind it.

This journal is different from anything that’s out there because it’s got both short-term intention and long-term purpose. It’s aiming to help people in the here and now, but it also has the long-term purpose of transformation.

This journal aims to switch your mindset towards a more positive outlook in life. In changing one’s outlook, making changes, achieving goals and sustaining them becomes a much easier task.

The beauty of this journal is that from the beginning of day one, it provides you with loads of tools to help you succeed, both within the journal and in your day-to-day life. It helps you rationalize your goals and lay a foundation for success.

There are other things like lists of reasons to change and inspirational quotes. We provide a ton of those and also give you space to add your own.

You’ll find the “Be Better Box,” daily pages and weekly reflections, and so much more.

This journal is made for everyone and developed with clinical, factual background information on positive mindsetting, goal setting/succeeding and factors contributing to happiness.

My Journal MYLife: Shop Now

“I Just Want Him to Be Happy:” The Long Road To An Autism Diagnosis For Mother & Son

ken@analogdigital.ca (Kenneth Pillipow) — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 17:03:00 GMT

TRIGGER WARNING : This article discusses extreme topics surrounding mental health.

Preface

Below you will find an interview with Lucy, the mother of a patient named Miles. While Miles has a complex and difficult struggle with mental health, he has a number of strengths that warrant celebration and attention, too. Miles is described by the people that know him well as a caring, compassionate and empathic young man which are impressive attributes bearing in mind that he has a diagnosis of ASC/ASD from a very early age. He’s also hugely caring of animals and will get very distressed if they come to any harm.

But what he’s outstanding with is his sense of humour and the fact that he often doesn’t even know he’s being funny makes him even funnier! He’s that good he could easily be a great stand up comedian because, in addition, he’s fantastic at story telling!

Introduction

Dr. Luisa Sanz is a Child and Adolescent psychiatrist. One of the key pillars of Mind Yr Life is our interviews. The interviews work to normalize various mental health journeys and struggles, to break down stigma and show everyone that they are never alone. These interviews collect the voices of people who have generously and courageously shared their experiences with mental health difficulties or their experiences caring for or loving someone who is facing difficulties.

In this latest interview, Dr. Sanz spoke with Lucy, a parent who has kindly agreed to share her story. Lucy is Mile’s mum.

Lucy & Miles’ Story

Miles has both autism and ADHD. To best illustrate Lucy and Miles’ journey, Dr. Sanz asked how she first knew and how it first began to present.

“I didn’t really know to be honest,” Lucy replied. “I know that sounds really odd but I was a very young mom. I had him when I was 15 and I didn’t have anything else to relate it to.” Lucy said that she herself likes things done a certain way, so when her son was three or four and he seemed to like things a certain way too, she assumed he was just like her.

Because Mile’s has an August birthday, Lucy was offered the decision to put him in school at age four or wait a year and begin when he turned five. She thought “I’d like to get him in now because I want to get him used to it as soon as possible,” but she found herself panicking, thinking “they're not going to know he likes his food a certain way, they’re not going to know he likes his shoes a certain way, those types of things. Just all these very, very specific things. I just remember thinking they're not going to understand this. And obviously, I myself was not understanding what all that meant for him.”

Lucy found herself getting lots of calls home from school saying that Miles was acting up, or screaming, or refusing to sit down with the other children at story time. “And they just put it down to naughtiness,” said Lucy. “Or just put it on me being a young mum.” They even sent social services around, but the woman who came to visit, sometimes as much as twice a week, assured Lucy that she was doing everything right. “She just said ‘this is not you,’” shared Lucy.

They were eventually referred to a doctor and began doing assessments, “but I felt like the assessments were more on me rather than Miles again, because I was a young mom, it was just a lot of judgment,” she said. Lucy was asked about her background and her upbringing. She didn’t have the best of upbringings, growing up with a mother who was bipolar and an alcoholic. So, she was feeling very judged and was then asked to have parenting classes or suggestions on those lines.

Lucy said that she found these types of interactions “useless, time and time again.”

“They diagnosed him with an attachment disorder and said it was because, again, I was a young mom and I had not done what I should have been doing, I had not bonded with him properly, it was all me, all my fault,” Lucy reflected.

“And yeah, I think I just dug my heels in. And I was like, ‘No, this is not it. I know I've done everything, I know I've been doing what I've been meant to be doing. And then that's when he was diagnosed with autism. Finally, after a good year to 18 months.” At this point, Miles was nearly six years old.

“So, it was a really difficult two or three years until he was finally diagnosed. What happened then, after the diagnosis?” Dr. Sanz asked.

After the Diagnosis

Unfortunately, Lucy said that the situation remained very difficult even after Miles had received an autism diagnosis. He was given one to one supervision at school. Though he was in a mainstream school, he had someone assigned to him that would remove him from the classroom if it got to be too much, and that was often. Miles was acting out a great deal, screaming, and interrupting the learning of the other students. Miles’ was still hyper-specific with most things in his life. For example, he continued to only be willing to eat very specific things.

“It just always seemed that everything was my fault,” said Lucy. They asked why I was giving him the same thing for lunch every day and threatened me with social services again.” She said that if she gave him something different, he just wouldn’t eat, “you can't starve the child, you have to feed him.” Eventually his behaviour issues led the school to say that they just couldn’t cope with Miles in the classroom any longer.

“He was out of school for a while until they could find one for him. And then that school was about an hour away, they couldn't find one in the local area. At that point he would have been about seven or eight. It was a long, drawn out process.”

Dr. Luisa noted that Miles at the moment is in a residential school for children and young people with neurodevelopmental disorders like being on the autistic spectrum or having ADHD, also with learning difficulties and/or other mental health problems like anxiety, OCD or others. She continued to say that this is an important distinction because “when a kid resides in a specialist school, their presentation is very challenging to the point that a mainstream school cannot manage such degree of complexity/severity. And that at home, such behaviour is also quite extreme to require a residential school with the education input there.”

Dr. Luisa said that the reality of Lucy and Miles’ situation was that the school wasn’t recognizing the degree of complexity that they were facing, “it took you ages to get support from services taking quite some time to understand what was the problem initially explaining it on the basis of your background, your family history and attachment because his presentation was so complex, that's why you struggled so much really trying to make people realize that this is more than just, you know, context and behaviour.”

Lucy had mentioned the time when she felt helpless and lonely as a parent in the past, Dr. Sanz remembered. “Do you want to share some of those experiences where you thought, I just can't cope with this anymore?” She asked.

Helpless & Lonely

“I’m not going to lie, I still face it,” said Lucy. “It’s still a very isolating a lonely thing.” Lucy noted that she doesn’t have parents as her dad passed when she was 25 and her mom isn’t in her or Miles’ lives. She said that when friends meet up for coffee while their kids play in the park, she’s reminded that that’s just something her and Miles simply cannot do. “And a lot of people just don't understand. And again, there are different levels of autism, ADHD, everything. It's a spectrum. I'm not saying that some children with autism or ADHD can't do that. But my son cannot.”

She reflected on a few times in public settings that strangers had said truly awful things to her when Miles was having an outburst or making a scene. Or, things she’d heard people say to one another that they thought she couldn’t hear. She reflected on horrible assumptions, hurtful words, and general opinions that had no right to be placed on Miles or herself.

She persevered, still trying to take him to the swimming pool or the cinema even though it was difficult and even though the two had to endure insensitivity and judgement every time.

“It sounds very unfair, Lucy. Regardless of how hard you try and as a parent you know, you seem to get knocked down for your efforts,” said Dr. Sanz.

“People have a tendency to make assumptions and we don't realize how wrong those assumptions are. We don't realize how much damage we do in assuming. But Lucy, you never lost the drive. You love your son so much that you never lost the drive to continue to try and do the best for your son. But other parents more insecure or less confident in themselves would have given up much earlier. I think that's a really important point that we need to highlight, I think people want you to give up.”

Lucy said that if she had given up and had said “oh yeah, it's all my fault he's got an attachment disorder because I didn't do my best or I was too young, I hate to think where I'd be now.” She said that she gets very little help now, even having asked for a social worker time and time again, she’s always been told she doesn’t need one.

She reflected on terrible school circumstances, one so bad that Miles was coming home with bruises and scratches and being called horrible, awful names. At one point, he was out of school for a couple of years while looking to find another one that was safe and well suited.

Leaving School

Lucy said that there is part of her that is terrified for when Miles has to leave his current school. At that point, psychiatrists like Dr. Sanz may not be involved any longer and they will be forced to go back to their local authority.

Dr. Luisa said that “hopefully, by the time he leaves the school, we will have been able to confirm certain diagnosis, stabilize his treatment, and then he will continue on being stable.”

She reflected on the first time she met Miles, saying that he showed textbook signs of being on the autistic spectrum. “And you know, I remember asking him a question just to break the ice and make him feel comfortable, and he looked at me very serious and said, ‘what a stupid question to ask”, Dr. Sanz laughed. She noted that such is typical for autism/ASC, saying what they thought outright with no intention of offending, but just being completely honest.

Dr. Sanz reflected on Mile’s journey until now. She noted that they have a great relationship. “I get it straight away when he's anxious, in more distress, or he's having a bad day. And I just let him go.”

She noted that “with his anxiety being so high, he needed medication for the anxiety, and his behaviour could be so aggressive that he also needed some medication for that. And then once we got that sort of managed, we thought, gosh, you know, he's very easily distracted, his mind’s always wondering off, he’s very impulsive and inpatient, so we thought we need to look into ADHD.” Now, Miles has just started on ADHD medication. “So hopefully, as I say, by the time he needs to leave school because of his age, you know, he will have responded and we will have a good package of treatment for him,” said Dr. Sanz.

“His life is never going to be easy, and we know that. And he's always going to require support, and we know that. But at least things will be more clear in terms of what help might be needed. So that's good.”

Moving Forward

“I just want him to be happy,” said Lucy. “He's very, very intelligent. He's very articulate. He is the funniest person I've ever met,” she continued, “his anxieties and his worries, I would love for those to go away.”

Lucy said that Miles “always tells me he wants to live with me. He says if he gets a husband or a wife he wants to live with me. And I said, Yes. And he asked if we have children, can I live with you as well? And I said, Yes. And so if he wants to, you know, live with me forever, then I'm quite happy for him to live with me forever with his wife or his husband or his children or whoever he wants to live with.”

“That is very sweet,” Luisa said, “that he shows you he knows you have always been there for him and will continue to be. So you are the one consistent, really loving figure for him.”

Lucy said that he seems to know that his options could be to live with her or to live in supported living accommodation. She hopes for that, because she wants him to experience as much of an independent life as possible.

“I'm not going to lie to you, I have no idea what the future does hold for him because of what the help that exists out there looks like. If it was consistent to the area that is in at the school where you see him, that would be lovely, I would have a lot more confidence. But our local authority is very, very different. So I try not to think about it. But I would love for there to be a lot more support, a lot more care. Because it doesn't feel like anybody cares,” said Lucy.

“Hopefully things will become easier for him,” said Dr. Sanz. “And yes, you're right that at the moment he's in a very critical stage because he feels very vulnerable in a very insecure world. When you say that he becomes paranoid and very suspicious, you’re right, but it comes from his very low self esteem. He comes across as you know, almost overconfident, loud, in your face, but deep down, he's extremely vulnerable, insecure, and anxious. And that's why he puts up that front. You know, he's attacking as a defence mechanism before getting attacked so he feels safer, more in control.”

Dr. Luisa asked Lucy if she has any messages to others about her journey and journeys like hers.

Lucy’s Message

“Just think twice before you comment on a kid's screaming or something that a parent is doing. Just think twice before you pass any judgment, any comments, because regardless of whether that child has any additional needs or not, we're all human,” she said.

Dr. Luisa said “Lucy, I share your view completely.” Dr. Sanz noted that “if anything needs to be highlighted today from my perspective, it’s that Miles presentation is a very complex one with a combination of autistic spectrum disorder, ADHD, and anxiety, but his life has been made so much harder as people around him have not shown enough care, compassion, acceptance, respect, love, and that has made his journey, and yours as a consequence, so much harder.”

Dr. Sanz echoed Lucy’s message, saying that “many times we make wrong assumptions. And what we need to be doing is being just more accepting and caring and loving and compassionate. And that itself will make a big, big difference. Lucy, we need more people like that, but we also need more people and parents like you, with your strength and determination and your infinite love for your son.”

“Lucy, you see his soul, and he’s got a beautiful soul.”

Interview Audio

Interview Transcript

Unknown Speaker 0:01

Good morning. My name is Dr. Lisa sands, and I am a consultant Child and Adolescent psychiatrist. I, this is part of mind your life, which is a new project that I'm very excited in starting to work on mental health, try and normalize it and help people with mental problems out there. As part of mind, your life one of the aspects is to interview people that want to share their experience with mental health difficulties or their journey with a family member. And today, we've got Lucy with us we who is a parent, and she's been very kindly, to very kind to agree to being interviewed today. So if I just let Lucy Introduce yourself, good morning, Lucy. Morning. Yeah, I'm Lucy. I'm miles is mom, who has autism and ADHD. Yes. Thank you, Lucy. What are we going to do today? Just hear from you, Lucy, for you to put us in the context of what the journey for you having a son with autism and ADHD? What follows to understand your journey? would you would you let us know how? How did you know that that you know that? Myles was struggling with with difficulties? How did it start? How did it show?

Unknown Speaker 1:37

I didn't really know to be honest, I know that sounds really odd. But I was a very young mom. I hadn't when I was 15. And I didn't have anything else to relate it to. So and I myself, I'm quite I like things done a certain way. So just seeing him, you know, like around three, four. And he liked things his way of certain way. I thought I was just like me, you know, I related to it. Really. I just remember thinking because he was right on the cusp. His birthday is in August.

So the school had said, you know, we can start up four, or you can wait till next year when he's five. And I just remember thinking, I'd like to get him in now. Because I want to get him used to it as soon as possible. But panicking thinking they're not going to know he likes his food a certain way. They're not going to know he likes his shoes a certain way. That kind of things. You know what I mean? Just all these very, very specific things. I just remember thinking they're not going to understand this. And obviously myself not understanding what that word means for him. I used to get a lot of phone calls a day like he's done this. He's done that he's screaming, he's he won't sit down on the carpet with the other children when next storytime or when we're doing this. It's what we're doing now. And they just put it down to naughtiness. They just put it on me being a young mum said social services around it had a social worker come in, once, sometimes twice a week, for quite some time. And I remember her saying to me, she said you you do everything we asked you. She said you do absolutely everything that I asked you to do. She She just said this is not you. This is something more referred as to the GP, where they're referred us to comes and started doing assessments, but I felt like the assessments were more on me rather than miles again, because I was a young mom, it was just a lot of judgment. It was well what's your background? What's your upbringing, things like that. Which again, my background and upbringing wasn't great. My mom was is bipolar and an alcoholic. So I didn't have the best of upbringings. So I think again, it was just all filtered into your mom by the bringing, you know, just that and again was asked to you know, attend parenting classes I was asked to pay for parenting classes as well. You know, you'll have to pay for them. This is what you need to be doing. And I can't quite remember I just I make no secret about it. I've comms are, have been useless time and time again. In my experience. I'm not saying that that's everyone's experience, but in my useless time and time again, I think I've been involved with them three or four times. Well, the other thing they said that he had an attachment disorder, the diagnosed him with an attachment disorder and said it was because again, I was a young mom and I had not done what I should have been doing. I have not bonded with him properly. I hadn't done it was all me all my fault. And yeah, I think I just dug my heels in. And I was like, No, this is not I know, I've done everything I know, I've been doing what I've been meant to be doing. And then that's when he was diagnosed with autism. Finally, after a good year to 18 months, so how old was mild then Lucy he would have been about five going on six, five and a half to six.

Unknown Speaker 5:47

Okay, so it really difficult two or three years until he was diagnosed, what happened then after he was diagnosed?

Unknown Speaker 5:56

Oh, it was even it was still difficult then to be honest. They gave him a one to one he was in a mainstream school, they gave him a one to one who would obviously be with Him every day in the classroom, I think it's got too much he take them outside. They do things that his pose that and level. But still, it was even just he would only eat certain foods and things like that as well. It just always seemed to be everything was my fault. You know, they said why you given him the same thing is lunch every day, you know, threatening me with social services again, what do we have to call social services? And I was like, you know, he's autistic, you know, he will, you know, alright, so they're just not put anything in his lunchbox and he doesn't eat because I've been there. I've tried that on, you know, if you don't eat what you give him, you don't try to get them to eat something new. And he just wouldn't eat, you know, you can't starve the child, you're gonna have to feed him at some point. So yeah, it just seemed to be like it was targeted at me. Until they eventually said we can't come up with him here. And he was out of school for a while till they couldn't find one for him. And then that school was about an hour away. They couldn't find one in the local area. So it was about an hour away. And that was when the Oh gosh, how old was he then? I think it would have been about seven or eight at that point. Yeah, so it was a good long drawn out process. I'm not gonna lie not easier. So

Unknown Speaker 7:39

yeah. And and I think it's important to mention that miles at the moment is in a residential school for children with neurodevelopmental disorders in the spectrum in the autistic spectrum or with learning difficulties or, and learning difficulties and other mental health problems like ADHD or, or anxiety or others. And I think that it's important to mention that when a kid resigns in a in a specialist school, the the the presentation is very, very challenging to the point that a mainstream school cannot manage him. And that at home, his behavior is also quite extreme to require a residential school with an education input there. So I think I think it's important to mention that because the reality is the way I see it loses that because his presentation was quite extreme that the and and school wasn't recognizing the degree of difficulty and and it took you ages for services, social services comes in to understand what what was a problem and, and try to explain it on the basis of your background and your family history and attachment. And, you know, and because his presentation was so severe, that's why you struggle so much really trying to make people think and realize this is more than just a you know, context and behavior. Okay, so I remember Lucy, you mentioned in some instances to me in a previously about you know, specific times where you as a parent felt quite helpless and, and lonely Really? Do you want to share some of those experiences where you thought, gosh, you know, can't can't cope with these anymore.

Unknown Speaker 9:39

I'm not gonna lie still, I still face it. It's still it's it's a very isolating and lonely thing. I don't have parents as my dad passed when I was 25. And my as I say, My mom is just not somebody that I would like to be involved personally or have my son around. So yeah, it's quite isolating and lonely because, you know, you can't, you know, people take kids out, and they'll go meet a friend and have a coffee and the kids are playing in the park or things like that. miles just cannot do that. And I remember somebody saying, you know, we were on a call together, me and another lady, and she was saying, oh, why don't you bring him over and manual, get on with some work if you can play with a capsule or watch TV? And I was like, you just won't do that. And she was like, Well, how do you know if you haven't tried? And I was just like, he won't do that it won't happen. And she was sort of like rolling her eyes at me as if to say, like, you know, oh, you won't try you won't bring him over. And no, no, no, it just I'm telling you, it will not happen. And a lot of people just don't understand. And again, there are different levels of autism, ADHD, everything. It's a spectrum. I'm not saying that some children with autism or ADHD and or ADHD can't do that. But my son cannot. He just can't vote yet. There's been times when I took him. I took him swimming, I was trying to teach him to swim. And every time the water splashed near his face, and I'd gone specifically on a date and time, when I knew it was quiet, I actually worked in that leisure center. So I knew it was tight, quiet at that time. And the water was splashing in his face sometimes, obviously. And you know, there were a couple of other kids about and it was getting splashed. It's gonna happen. But he was screaming. And he'd my partner taking him off for a minute. And a guy came up to me and he said, Do you know what you need to do? You just need to sit him down, look him in the eyes and give them a good hard smack

Unknown Speaker 11:51

on I

Unknown Speaker 11:53

don't even know, I

Unknown Speaker 11:54

just thought thought, I don't even know. I don't, my only response was, who's autistic. And this guy's face went bright red, he didn't eat it just turned around and went away. And actually saw him in a supermarket. About a week or so later, it must have been with his partner. He was on his own at the time in the swimming pool, but he was in the supermarket with his partner and I saw him clutch your hand and like drag her away. Because he must have thought, Oh, you know, what if she comes up and say something? What if she's long enough to think about a response and he just darted away from me and I thought I never would I wouldn't do that because you obviously know what you said was wrong. Whether my child is autistic or not. What is wrong with people to think that that is an okay thing? An okay reaction to your child screaming in the swimming pool? Kids scream autistic or not ADHD or not kids scream? And again, in the same supermarket, miles was screaming, screaming once I can't remember what are the no idea? The tiniest things. So the tiniest things do upset if you see someone I'm laughing It's not funny. But it can be it can be funny. So somebody must have had their hands in their pockets or their hands behind the back something like that. And this kind of thing, really upset smiles. And it was just screaming at a man walked past with his son. And I remember his song. It was it can't have been very old five, six. And he said, Dad, what's wrong with that little volume that dad just said, I don't know. He must be an effing psycho. Again, what? Why would you say that about a child? And to Why would you say that to your child? The mind boggles really does, you know. Yeah, we've faced all kinds of things like that. And I remember one that I don't know why this one upset me so much. Because it's not even really as bad as those two. But this one stuck with me for quite a while. miles was out of school at one point for almost four years because the council just could not find one to meet his requirements, and had taken him to the cinema one day. And we were queuing for the tickets while so I was queuing he was running around because he just couldn't sit still. He was like running up and down stairs and things I could see him obviously wasn't out of sight. And a woman behind me said to her husband, isn't it funny, I was not well enough to go to school, but is well enough to be in the cinema. And I did just I didn't say anything. I actually can't remember whether I said anything. I don't think I said a word. I actually don't think I said a word. I think I said a lot in my head. I think I had a lot of responses in my mind. But I don't think I actually said a word to her. I think it's around and had a look and she obviously knew that I'd heard and she wanted me to hear but that will really stuck with me because I'd Just remember thinking this is not my fault. This is not my choice. Yeah, yeah, you have no idea how my day their life isn't to do anything dream and get the energy to take him to cinema because that took years like exactly he would not sit and watch your film. He the first time we went to the cinema I think it lasted about five minutes we have to sit, you know, the little walkway that you come down we sat in that day because he wouldn't sit with everyone else. And then the second time I managed to get you sitting on the status Yeah, it took a lot of years just to and I I always wanted him to be able to do in quotations normal things. So I persevered and I just I think that's probably why it looks like me so much actually. But listen,

Unknown Speaker 15:52

it sounds like very very unfair doesn't it Lucy that you know, regardless of how hard you try and as a parent you know you seem to get knocked down for your efforts and you try and get in swimming so he does you learn to swim and you criticised for not keeping your child under control and you try and you know do something with him when his office call because you know he hasn't got a placement to attend and then you're criticized anyway for doing so. And he's just like, it sounds like you know, people have a tendency to make assumptions and we don't realize how wrong those assumptions are. And whereas we don't realize how much damage we do on doing so because I suppose Lucy you never lost the drive you loved your son so much that you never lost the drive to continue to try and continue to do the best for you soon. But other parents more insecure word less confident on well themselves would have given up much earlier and and i think that that's I think that's a you know, a really important point that we need to highlight you know the I think people want you to give up you know if I've taken that away and said oh yeah, it's all my fault he's got an attachment disorder because I didn't do my best I was too young I had this I had that you know, they were saying no, you were so young when you had him you were prone to postnatal depression and obviously your surrounding circumstances if I'd have just taken that and said okay, he's got an attachment disorder I hate to think where I'd be now and again, the local authority have been nothing but useless. In my eyes In my opinion, I get very very little help. I've asked for a social worker on more than one occasion and being told I don't qualify for one I don't need one You know, I've been asked why do you think you need one for some help for some support you know, some recent guidance Yeah. Additional leads help me yes very very little help where I am because also we've not mentioned but but you are on your own you you've said you don't have much help from your parents your your dad pass you want your mommy's in really in a position to help but also miles dad, you've been separated from from miles very early age, haven't you? So even though dad, is there some degree he's not really a consistent supporting influence.

Unknown Speaker 18:31

He's consistent. Yeah, he's consistent. He's just I don't mean to laugh again. He's just a typical dads. He's just I'm here to play. I'll do the video games. I'll do the days out with the pizzas and the burgers and the ice cream. Yeah, is he's not taking anything away from him. You know, we'd be lost without him. But he's not an authority figure. Yeah, I wouldn't he is more of a play man. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 19:11

yeah. I suppose when I was saying consistent I meant like seven days a week because you're separated he's not there all the time. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 19:20

yeah. Yeah. And he works shifts as well yeah, yeah don't that's nice.

Unknown Speaker 19:26

Whenever there is whenever there is a problem an issue a concerned with mild issue who who is contacted is an aid and who you know deals with it so you are the consistent you know, adult figure responsible figure for four four miles and yeah you get you know, rest bite you know with a died and with a dad and that but Okay, good.

Unknown Speaker 19:50

Day overnight or anything. Very, very rarely once in a blue moon. But yeah, they have days out quite often and things like that. So that helps.

Unknown Speaker 19:59

Okay, so I assume for what you've been saying that, you know, what you would have liked to half throughout the, you know, miles childhood and adolescence is better sort of quality provision from services from cams from the local authority, and more sort of support from a family friend sort of group, you know, sort of thing in inverted commas, because as you very well said, you know, miles, miles degree of of difficulties are very high and therefore, limit very much, you know, how people can support you and family can support you, but I suppose, you know, I'm referring to the sort of response that you were talking about in terms of family, if, you know, family members and really close friends that could have taken miles away or, or something like that. And so what would you say the Lucy, that was the most helpful thing or has been, you know, miles is now how old tell us? He's sick. Now? Yeah, okay. Yeah, so miles is 16 and a half? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So miles. Yeah. So miles is 16 and a half How? What, what has been the most helpful bit about, about your journey with him? What, you know, what can you think that? That has been, you know,

Unknown Speaker 21:38

now that I've actually told you this, but your involvement and your involvement? Nobody really took a serious it's like until you step to the the last school that he was at. I'm not even sure I've actually told you about the last school that he was at, I had to threaten them with the media. Because he was coming home bruised, scratched. They've called him names, some awful names. And it was he needs to to one already that that's all that's what they that's what his statement, eh, eh, C is h theory, HP y velocity. HP, HP? Is HP plot, educational health program or plan? That's hc. Yes, at the law school, he was out there was saying that he needed to to one. And these, it was two young girls, early 20s. And there's just I just don't think there's enough training for these, you know, or not in a screening event for people that

Unknown Speaker 22:46

work with

Unknown Speaker 22:49

these young children, and they take him to the Trafford Centre one day for a day out. And I don't know if you've been, but they're, like these big marble pillars, and hidden behind one of those, and he was like, looking around screaming for them, like, I'm lost, help me, I'm lost. And then they jumped out and laughed, and then he obviously kicked off, you know, calling them names lashing out at them. So they've had to put him in a hold. And he had like, fingermark, bruises on his arm scratches it, what's going on with a big wine brew was across the bottom of his back. And when I asked him how we've gotten that, he said, It pushed him up against a Windows bill. So a file was it a ladder report was filed. And again, the local authority in my area, because it had to go to a different area to for a school that could, you know, meet his needs. And the local authority in my area said, because I wanted to take it out of that score. So this is not No, no, no, he's not coming home every weekend like this. And my local authorities that well, his educational needs are being met, so we're not gonna take him out. All right, okay. His educational needs are being met, but he's coming home black and blue. And I said, Okay, well, I'll go to the media. I'll go to the press, I'll let them know. So then they kicked him out of the school on account of my what was it now? What did they say? On account of my colorful language, something to that effect? inflammatory manner? I don't know. I could have gotten more inflammatory. But yeah, livid. See, then doesn't cross it does not cross it. So then he was out of school for almost two years at that point. When he came to school, he's at work, obviously, you've seen him. And yet it was your involvement, where it's like, wow, somebody is listening. It's not this child is naughty. It's not this child is abrupt. He is you know, there's that and the other. It's okay, this child has some needs. How can we help what can we do for those, you know, you've given him you worked with him. a therapist and he talks he is medicated is on multiple medications. It's not just a case of all let's try to see if this works. Okay, stop that. Let's try that it's, you know, you work with me to see what I need you you speak to Myles as well and ask him what he needs. So it's definitely your involvement that is kind of like up to here What? In all honesty, there's a part of me that that is dreading him leaving the school, because where will I be going again, then, you know, obviously, we won't have your involvement, and he will be coming back home with our local authority. And I know how, how they are. So yeah, there's a bit of a worry in my mind of what happens then when he leaves school definitely.

Unknown Speaker 25:49

Well, hopefully, by the time he leaves, the school that he's at the moment, we will have, you know, confirm certain diagnosis, stabilized human treatment, and then he will continue on that being stable. Any changes, as I said before, I remember very well, the first time I met Myles because he was textbook, a young lad in the spectrum. And you know, I remember asking him a question just to break the ice just to make him feel comfortable. And he looked at me very serious. And he said, What a stupid question to ask. And I thought, Oh, I'm really sorry that you know, that you think is a stupid question. But the import, he was typical textbook, you know, he thinks I'm asking something that is silly. And he tells me, he's not wanting to be offensive, or he's not wanting to be disrespectful. He comes across like that. But you know what he says, what you asked me that for what a waste of a question. And remember, you know, sort of, you know, rephrasing it and saying, Well, I was wondering, I can't remember what the question was. But But I thought, gosh, she's going to be challenging. And he has been and again, but we, we have these relationship miles and I were when he is when he's in a good frame of mind. And he's well, and he wants to see me we have a chart, I get it straight away, when he's anxious, more distress, he's having a bad day. And I just let him go, I guess. But of course, I can do that because I provide these clinics for the school on a fortnightly basis. Any doctor in Cam's wouldn't have that luxury but but but usual ride I think that you know, with with his anxiety was so high that he needed medication for the anxiety, but his his behavior could be so aggressive that he also needed some some medication for that, that aggressive behavior. And then once we got that, sort of managed, we we thought, gosh, you know, he's he's very easily distracted is always his minds on always wondering of his self esteem is very, very low, because he doesn't see himself capable of doing anything he started talking about, I'm going to be on my own, when I'm older, nobody's going to love me knows, go, nobody's going to want and never be successful, I'll never be able to hold the job. And we thought we need to look into ADHD. And we did the the assessment and he was really against scoring quite highly for the inability to concentrate. So now we've only started him on some medication for ADHD. And we're monitoring that, aren't we? So hopefully, as I say, by the time he needs to leave school, because of his age, you know, he will have responded, we will have a good a good package of treatment for him. His life is never going to be easy. And we know that. And he's always going to require support and we know that but at least you know things will be more clear in terms of what what that health might might be. Might need to look like. So that's that's that's good. Good. Well, thank you vote for those for those words. Lucy I really appreciated and what do you want one of the last few sort of questions before we finish Lucy? What what? What would you ask for the future? What would you I think you've you've already said it, but you know, I can just you know, guess guess from what you've been saying? You know, what do you what do you hope for the next few years for miles? What do you hope? Um,

Unknown Speaker 29:22

I just want him to be happy and as you said, with his anxiety on top of the ADHD on the autism, you know, he can be very paranoid which is another difficult thing to take him out. You know, people are looking at me people think I'm retarded people think of this is very, very aware. He's very, the way I always describe him is Sheldon from the big bang theory, but with quite nasty and violent outbursts. And he's very, very intelligent. He's very articulate. He is the funniest person I've ever met. He's absolutely stunning. I recall, but yes, his anxieties and his worries, I would love for those to go away, I would love for him to he always tells me he wants to live with me. He says if he gets a husband or a wife, because he's not married, my look is not quite sure what he wants yet. So if he gets a husband or wife come to live with me. And I said, Yes. And if we have children, can I live with you as well? And I said, Yes. And so if he wants to, you know, live with me forever, than if I'm quite happy for him to live with me forever with his wife and his husband or his children or wherever he wants to live with?

Unknown Speaker 30:31

That is very sweet, when he shows how he knows, you have always been there for him and will continue to be. So you are the one you know, consistent, really loving. figure for him. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 30:47

yeah, was that he lived with me as long as he wants to. But I think he is aware now that his options could be to live in something like assisted living something like that, possibly. So I would hope for that, because I would like him to have as much of the life that he can have, he just worried about not having anybody to love Him not having a part and things like that. So I would love for, you know, I was looking the other day for something in our area, like for autistic dating, things of that nature, because I'd love for him to, to meet someone and be with someone. So I think that's sort of just like my next hope, just willing to settle a little bit. And I mean, settle in terms of his worries and anxieties. I don't, I'm not gonna lie to you, I have no idea what the future does hold for him because of what the help that exists out there looks like, if it was consistent to the area that is in for the school where you see him. That would be lovely, I would have a lot more confidence. But the fact that obviously, he will be coming back home because he almost two hours away at the minute now he is actually I think when you start now that it's like two hours, 10 minutes. So when he comes home, as I say our local authority is very, very different, our help that we are offered. So I try not to think about it. But I would love for there to be a lot more support a lot more. involvement is the word. Just involvement just care. Care. Because it doesn't feel like anybody cares. It feels like it's getting forms don't get the box tick. And that's it off you go. We don't actually care. That is how it feels.

Unknown Speaker 32:45

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, hopefully as I say things thing, hopefully Fingers crossed, things will become easier for him. And yes, you're right at the moment. He's on a very easily very critical stage because he's I see him very vulnerable, very insecure word. When you say that he becomes paranoid very suspicious, you ride but it comes from a very low self esteem. He comes across as you know, almost overconfident loud in on your face will tell you off being but deep down, he's extremely vulnerable, insecure and anxious is very, very, very vulnerable. And that's why he puts that front. You know, he's attacking as as a defense mechanism. So so so he feels safer, more in control. Okay, so just just to finish, then, Lucy, what, what would you like? people this is not about services only but people out there, what would be your message to people. If you if there is anything that you'd like to share?

Unknown Speaker 33:53

Just think twice before you comment on a kid's screaming or something that a parent is doing. Just think twice before you pass any judgment, any comments, because regardless of whether that child has any additional needs or not, we're all human. You know if a child is having a tantrum, just another example. The first school that he went to when he was four, it was literally out of my front door and over the road, not even kidding across the street and it was at the other side of the road. It was took me 20 minutes to get him home. He was just screaming. You know, I was trying to pick him up and he was like hitting me things like that. Not one person in that 20 minutes says, Do you need a hand? Can I help? Nothing?

Unknown Speaker 34:44

No one. You know, just

Unknown Speaker 34:47

a lot of stirring, totting comments. Just think twice before you again pass any judgment or make any common if a child is Having a bit of an outburst? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 35:03

Yeah. Lucy, I think I share, I share your view completely. And that would be my message to you know, out there as well you know, if anything, if anything from me needs to be, you know, highlighted today would be the, you know, the Myles presents with a very complex difficulty of in autistic spectrum ADHD anxiety, but his life has been made so much harder, because because people around him have not shown enough care, compassion, acceptance, respect, love, and that has made his journey and yours as it consequences, so much harder. So my, my message would be, as you very well said, you know, many times we make wrong assumptions. And what we need to be doing is being just more accepting and caring and loving and compassionate. And that itself will make a big, big difference. And, and to you, Lucy, so we need more people to be more compassionate and caring, but we also need more people like you more parents like you, with your strength with your determination. And with your unlimited infinite, you know, loving attitude towards your son. So you know, the adapt salutely love it.

Unknown Speaker 36:33

I know, you talk a lot about who's out versus things like these one liners. I remember the school that he's at now. When he first went there, like your son's humor is second to none. And I was like, I know that's why msso tells me laughing all day every day, though, is humorous, right? sarcastic, sometimes quite dark, but he's so lovable. You can't help but not loving and you know, part of one our two teachers so we shouldn't say this is a few people's favorite. And I just think yes,

Unknown Speaker 37:12

yes, yes. Lucy, you see his soul and his go to beautiful soul. He's just a lost soul at the moment. He just doesn't know what to do what to do with himself. And he come and he comes across as violent and aggressive and, and heartless and, but you do see his soul and that's why you are you know, 100% there for him. That is the other side to him as well. He is actually so so caring and loving. He can't stand to see anybody upset. anyone hurt people, animals, anything. You know, he's very, very caring. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you very, very much for your time Lucy, I really appreciate it. I think I'm hoping that you know, people will will hear you will hear us and these will make people think twice and become a little bit more caring and, and giving which is ultimately what we want to do what you know, here in mind, your life. So thank you so much, and all the very best to both of you. Thank you very much.

Here’s What You Need To Know About ADHD: The Basics (VIDEO SERIES)

ken@analogdigital.ca (Kenneth Pillipow) — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 17:01:27 GMT

NOTE: Find Spanish videos below.

We are pleased to share a video series by Dr. Luisa Sanz, child and adolescent psychiatrist. The purpose of Mind Yr Life is to share information and start conversations so together we “LEARN” (Love, Embrace, Accept, Relate… Now) and dismantle stigmas surrounding mental health.

Videos like these have been made to enhance understanding and, in turn, empathy, surrounding mental health disorders such as ADHD. They start by highlighting their purpose being to promote a change in attitude towards mental health as well as towards life in general in the search of Happiness.

Below you will find three videos that both address ADHD.

In the first video, “ADHD, its reality” Dr. Sanz focuses on ADHD from where it begins in childhood and adolescence. The video breaks down the symptoms, diagnosis, how it can affect the lives of young people, how it may impact their future, and how important it is to recognize it early and manage it well.

In the 5-9 year-old demographic, ADHD is by far the most common disorder. After that, the autistic spectrum follows, and the behavioural problems follow that. For the age group 10-14, ADHD continues to be the most common by far. As for the age group 15-19, ADHD is still the most common, but depression is beginning to increase in the running along with some other common disorders. This video breaks down the key demographics as well as their prevalence in comparison between young males and females.

The video goes on to include the scientific evidence behind the disorder, the symptoms, domains of impairment, executive functions, outcomes of treated and untreated ADHD, and so much more. Click below to watch the full video.

In the second video “Hidden/Complex ADHD Presentations”, Dr. Luisa Sanz covers different ADHD presentations that may be unrecognized and/or that are challenging to diagnose due to the fact that symptoms may “hide” other conditions or may appear to resemble other mental health disorders. The ones included are ADD, ADHD and self harm, ADHD and secondary Oppositional Defiant Disorder as well as “and/or” presentations such as ADHD and/or ASC/ASD, Learning Difficulties, mood disorders, anxiety.

The outcome of such complexities may, unfortunately, be that individuals might never get the right help and support or that they get it when they’ve developed further problems.

The third video is titled “ADHD across the Lifespan,” Dr. Sanz shares information to help one recognize, understand, and manage ADHD better. She shares the typical hyperactive presentation in children, adolescents, and adults, as well as the Inattentive type of ADHD in girls and adolescents, which is also known as ADD and is particularly common in females.

This captivating video shares an inside look at how ADHD may look and feel for people of all ages and, as importantly, what the most common complications are when ADHD hasn’t been identified early enough and it has then developed onto other comorbid disorders such as drug/alcohol abuse, depression or chronic anxiety.

Whether you have ADHD and are seeking further self-understanding or guidance, or you’re simply looking to learn more about those around you, we highly recommend watching this educational session.

Spanish Videos

Music & Mental Health: A Story Of Anxiety, Depression, And Hitting Rock Bottom

ken@analogdigital.ca (Kenneth Pillipow) — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 17:00:13 GMT

TRIGGER WARNING : This article discusses topics surrounding depression, anxiety, suicide, and general mental health.

Preface

Welcome to the Strengths & Struggles interview series. In this interview, Dr. Luisa Sanz has a conversation with Chris, a young man who has suffered through immense mental health struggles for years and years. This article includes key takeaways, quotations, and reflections from the interview, an audio recording of the interview, as well as the full transcript.

Before we dive in, we wanted to give you a glimpse at Chris' strengths: music. Chris is an incredibly talented musician who sings and plays multiple instruments, he also teaches music. Below you'll find a clip of Chris singing with Dr. Sanz's daughter, Monica. While Chris certainly has his struggles, as you'll read below, his strengths deserve acknowledgement and celebration.

Introduction

Dr. Luisa Sanz is an adolescent psychiatrist who is on a mission to eradicate stigma and share credible information about mental health. Dr. Sanz will be spreading awareness and starting important conversations by sharing the stories of those who are struggling with their mental health and adding key takeaways and thought-provoking questions to ask oneself. Dr Sanz is sharing these stories in hopes that people will be able to not only relate to them, but also learn from them and gain a better understanding as well as adopting an attitude of acceptance and respect.

In this interview, Dr. Luisa Sanz spoke with a young man named Chris. Chris is 32 years old, he’s from the northwest of England, he’s a musician who also works in hospitality, and he has two sisters, one older and one younger.

Dr. Sanz met Chris about eight years ago as he was teaching piano and singing to her children. Chris reflected on his journey with mental health.

Chris’s Story

“I had a very happy childhood. I don't recall any negativity at the early stages. Not until maybe age six or seven,” he said. He described the beginnings of his anxiety surrounding things like being picked out by the teacher or being the centre of attention. Nearing the end of primary school, he did extremely well on his exams. “I did exceedingly better than was expected of me. Which meant that in high school, I was put into the highest set of the school, which instantly I struggled with,” Chris reflected. He felt like there had been a mistake, like he didn’t belong in those classes, and that he was the only one who was struggling.

“This led down a spiral path of me not wanting to do my homework because I didn't understand it. And then that led to me being a bit unhappy and getting detentions and things like that which progressed to me not wanting to spend time with my friends and not going out. It just built up and built up over the five years of high school to the point where I never left the house, never left my room. I was completely isolated from everybody during high school,” he reflected.

Chris said that his friends completely gave up on him because he’d never leave the house. He was suffering in silence, unbeknownst to everyone around him.

“The thing that I probably did wrong was, I didn't tell anybody. So I pretended out with okay. My parents had no idea; absolutely no idea that I was sad or depressed or had anxiety like I did. I set this kind of image of myself, I made up this character just to do enough not to arouse suspicion for anybody,” he remembered.

“From an outside perspective, my mom always said I was just a bit of a loner, just that type of person. Not necessarily sad, just enjoyed my own company, which wasn't really the case, I was really struggling. I got very, very good at pretending.”

According to Dr. Sanz, this is actually a very common behaviour and defence mechanism. Dr. Sanz noted that Chris clearly showed signs of social anxiety and performance anxiety as demonstrated in his experiences in primary school. It appeared to be aggravated as he got older, said Dr. Sanz, which is quite common.

“The older you get, the higher the expectations, and the more difficult it is to meet those expectations,” she noted.

Chris finished high school with mediocre grades across the board except for in his music classes where he got an A. “Music was the only thing in my life that was consistent, and I was good at. But again, I was very, very shy to perform. Performing wasn't something I enjoyed doing. I entered a few competitions and things like that. And they always went well but I was always sick beforehand,” Chris shared.

Reflecting back on Chris’ schooling, Dr. Luisa Sanz identified that the relationship between optimum performance and anxiety have been a theme in Chris’ life. “For optimum performance, you've got to be a little bit anxious so you show enough interest but not too much that your brain freezes, hence jeopardizing performance,” said Dr. Sanz. But those manageable amounts of anxiety that may have contributed to his success in primary school grew to be detrimental as he got older.

“It's like a monster. The more you fear it, the bigger it gets, and it eventually just took over with anxiety completely overwhelming you to the point that you stopped believing in yourself and believing in the fact that you could do the work,” said Dr. Sanz.

Chris went to college and focused almost exclusively on music. He remembers struggling a lot with the social aspects of college. “At that point, I was really, really low.” Again, he was battling it alone. He said that no one knew because he’d go home with a smile on his face. “I'd be laughing and joking. No one knew. And I wanted it that way. I knew I didn’t want anyone to know. It would have been worse, in my opinion,” he said.

He believes the reason he was so low at this point was “because of how alone I was.” He said he didn’t have friends and that he believed he missed out on everything from playing in the streets with other kids to trying cigarettes and things with other teenagers. “I was inside all the time on my own in my room,” he said.

He chose a career path of teaching music because he felt he had to do something with the education his parents had paid for. “I never really had any ambitions,” he said. While he did build a successful teaching career for himself, the financial irregularity of money coming in from multiple schools and sources was a lot of pressure for him. He began to really over extend himself, working six or seven days a week.

A Breaking Point

“It was too much for me. And it got to the point where one day when I was on my own on a Saturday I just exploded, I destroyed my house, I broke walls and threw my computer. I just lost it. I couldn’t keep it all together anymore with all the smiling and pretending being happy all time time. It was just building and building and building,” said Chris.

He said the entire violent outburst was a blur. “I remember the police at my door, I remember ending up in the hospital where I stayed for a few days. That’s when I had to break it to my parents that I was depressed and anxious. It was a really tough time.”

Chris’ parents were distraught, particularly his mother. “She thought ‘why didn’t I know? Why didn’t I spot it?’”

At this point, Chris received a diagnosis for depression and anxiety. He was allowed to leave the hospital on the condition that someone was with him so he stayed with his parents. He felt like a failure in every sense, personal and professional.

Dr. Sanz said a feeling of having failed is extremely common in these types of circumstances.

“From my point of view, you were anything but a failure. You have tried and tried and pushed yourself beyond belief for years fighting off a tough reality in a very difficult world, That must have taken so much out of you on a daily basis,” she said.

“You say you failed your parents, you failed your students, you failed your job, and it's interesting because that is a clear symptom of depression as well: self guilt.”

Chris said that he was embarrassed because he felt that he needed to pretend to be okay and doing that had become the norm for him. He thought that maybe everybody was just pretending to be okay like he was.

Dr. Luisa noted that “this is why we're here today. If that day you had been diagnosed with diabetes, you wouldn't feel guilty or a failure, you wouldn't think, oh, gosh, I've got diabetes, and it's all my fault. If you had been diagnosed of hypertension, you wouldn't feel guilty either. The reality is that depression, social anxiety, and other mental health conditions are very well explained by biochemical imbalances in the brain. So they're just as physically based, physiologically explained, as diabetes or hypertension, yet, the way society sees it is that you're failing. That’s the common belief. But if you have diabetes, then you get all the support of everybody. You’re supported and helped through.”

Rock Bottom

After about a year spent in bed and feeling truly awful, Chris had run out of money and needed to start thinking about going back to work. He saw a job posting for a night supervisor at a hotel and thought it seemed attractive because everyone would be asleep and socializing would be limited. “It was a bad choice because I went backwards. I chose a job to continue hiding away.” It allowed him to avoid the things that made him anxious rather than confronting them.

He said this led to the same pattern again. He became more reclusive. “After a few years of working nights, I just hit rock bottom. I tried to end my life a few times,” said Chris.

He reflected on self harming in high school, as well. In all of these circumstances, no one knew. Chris said that it was the physical pain, or the fear of it, that always stopped him during his suicide attempts.

Today

While Chris says that he is “a lot better than [he] was” from a social perspective, he still isn’t getting enjoyment from life. He said that the only time he is truly happy is when he is at home playing music. But he keeps trying to turn it into a career which thrusts him back into his tumultuous optimal performance and anxiety relationship. He said that he played live gigs just before the pandemic forced lockdowns and that it was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.

Dr. Sanz said “what I’m hearing is that you feel hopeless that you will never be in a position where you’ve controlled anxiety to a degree where you can perform in front of people and do what you love most?” Chris agreed. Though, even if he were to be able to play music in front of people, he still feels that he would be overly anxious about paying his mortgage and making ends meet, therefore introducing another trigger for anxiety. In addition, he said that he’s terrified to try and fail.

Closing Messages

While Chris is undoubtly still struggling and feeling “stuck,” he has gained a great deal of perspective throughout his long battle with depression and anxiety.

The main thing that he’s learned is that “it’s not a bad thing to talk to someone about your worries and problems. It isn’t. It might seem like it’s a bad idea to tell people that you’re struggling, but it isn’t. That’s the main thing I take away from this, you just need to reach out. Just reach out to somebody and it might feel better.”

Dr. Luisa said “I feel in my heart, Chris, that your biggest challenge is not your anxiety, it’s you fear. What I would suggest thinking about is where your fear is coming from. Is it your own fear? Is it a fear about how this world will see you? Is it a fear of failing? Like I said, there are only two options when you try, one is to succeed and the other is to learn a lesson so you succeed at your next attempt. There’s no third option. There’s no failing when you try.”

Key Takeaways from Dr. Sanz

Dr. Sanz believes lack of self-belief and poor self esteem lies at the root of all mental health struggles. Chris will continue to feel stuck until he starts to believe in himself and starts to unfold his inner strength so he can actually achieve what he’s aiming for, she said. Self-believe is key to recovery, while it may be the most challenging piece of the puzzle, it can be positively life changing.

She believes that the limited understanding of mental health disorders and how they may present has also played a big role in Chris’ struggles. His underlying difficulty was widely missed, his presentation is seen as simply anxiety and depression. Dr. Sanz believes that Chris’ presentation may indicate that he’s on the ASC or Asperger’s syndrome. “If the presentation is not understood within the context of ASC, Chris will continue to struggle to make progress with his condition,” she noted.

There is also a big societal element to situations like Chris’. “People will be quick to make assumptions about why Chris or anyone like him doesn’t or can’t overcome their difficulties,” Dr. Sanz believes that the assumptions about people who are struggling with their mental health can be extremely damaging. In addition, the individual’s own unwillingness to accept their situation can get in the way of their progress. “What you resist, persists,” said Dr. Sanz. “What you accept, resets.” She said that there are four stages to recovery: Recognition, acceptance, exploring/learning and changing.

Finally, Dr. Sanz noted that there are three main viewpoints in stories like these. The first is the person who is struggling, their viewpoint is “I am stuck. I feel hopeless.” Next, there is the observer who may think “he doesn’t want to try” or, alternatively “I feel the same.” And finally, there is the perspective of the mental health professional, Dr. Sanz in this case, who thinks “knowledge is the key to freedom; negative believes are the lock to imprisonment.”

Interview Audio

Interview Transcript

Note: there will be errors as this is an auto-transcription.

Unknown Speaker 0:01

Hello, this is Dr. Sons, Louisa sounds Child and Adolescent psychiatrist. And we're here as part of mind your life, which is a project that has recently started to eradicate stigma, about mental health, amongst other things. And today, we're going to be sharing the experience of a young person, he'll introduce himself in a minute,

Unknown Speaker 0:32

he'll be sharing his experience with mental health difficulties, and hopefully people will be able to relate to them. And also, we'll all learn from it, to have a better attitude and attitude of understanding, acceptance and respect. So if we start with our conversation, hello, Chris, would you like to introduce yourself? Yeah. My name is Chris.

Unknown Speaker 1:04

I am 32 years old, from northwest of England. I'm a musician. And I currently also work in hospitality.

Unknown Speaker 1:16

I have two sisters, one older, one younger.

Unknown Speaker 1:20

And my parents are still together. And

Unknown Speaker 1:24

it's a good, good. I have to say I met Chris.

Unknown Speaker 1:30

About eight years ago, perhaps. And he I met him because he was the music teacher, piano and singing teacher of my children. And then we lost contact for a number of years. But we've, we've pop into each other again. And here we are today. Lovely. So Chris,

Unknown Speaker 1:51

first of all, thank you so much for agreeing to, you know, to be in to having this conversation with me and to sharing your your experience with mental health problems. would you would you like to start telling us about

Unknown Speaker 2:06

when did you start having mental health problems? And how did they How did they show? How did they start?

Unknown Speaker 2:15

I mean, as

Unknown Speaker 2:17

from what I can remember, I mean, I had a very happy childhood.

Unknown Speaker 2:23

I don't I don't recall any negativity at that early stages for maybe not to

Unknown Speaker 2:30

six or seven.

Unknown Speaker 2:32

around about that age, I think I started having a little bit of anxiety in school with being sent being having attention on me.

Unknown Speaker 2:44

So if the teacher picked me out of the class, I didn't like that I didn't like having to stand up or be center of attention.

Unknown Speaker 2:55

So that that's the the initiative from what I can figure out that that's when it probably started for me.

Unknown Speaker 3:02

I was pretty average. in primary school, I was in the middle of the class, I wasn't super bright or at the bottom.

Unknown Speaker 3:12

And I was and that by the time I got to last year, when you're doing your due tests, I was quite concerned with being in the middle and in my head and accepted that I wasn't the brightest person, but I was okay with it.

Unknown Speaker 3:28

But after I took my tests, I did exceedingly better than was expected of me.

Unknown Speaker 3:37

Which meant that high school, I was put into the highest set of the school,

Unknown Speaker 3:45

which instantly I struggled with. And that then became, in my head. I couldn't understand why I was in this class, where

Unknown Speaker 4:00

everybody else understood what was going on in the class. And I didn't, I thought the teachers couldn't have got it wrong. Ever all these adults couldn't have made a mistake and put me in the wrong place that I did the test I did what I was meant to do.

Unknown Speaker 4:16

Why am I struggling? Why am I the old one out

Unknown Speaker 4:20

so that this led down a spiral path of me not wanting to do my homework because I didn't understand it. And then that led to me being a bit unhappy and getting detention and things like that. Which

Unknown Speaker 4:33

progressed to me not wanting to spend time with my friends and not going out. It's

Unknown Speaker 4:39

just built up and built up over the five years of high school to the point where in the first go, I never left the house, never left my room. completely isolated from everybody during high school during middle school.

Unknown Speaker 4:55

So that that embedded do need this

Unknown Speaker 4:59

anxiety about

Unknown Speaker 5:00

Almost all social interactions, I couldn't go to a shop, I can walk down a shopping aisle.

Unknown Speaker 5:07

I know I didn't have any friends at that point, all my friends had given up on me because I'd never ever left the house. So you were going to school on a daily basis, but you weren't going out any more than that. Okay. And

Unknown Speaker 5:23

that

Unknown Speaker 5:25

the thing that I probably did wrong was, I didn't tell anybody. So I pretended out with okay.

Unknown Speaker 5:33

My parents didn't have no idea. Absolutely no idea that was sad or depressed or either anxiety

Unknown Speaker 5:41

I did.

Unknown Speaker 5:43

I set myself this kind of image of myself, I made this character just to

Unknown Speaker 5:50

do enough not to arouse suspicion for anybody. So I just get the the right amount of homework done that way, getting me past, you know, that being spied.

Unknown Speaker 6:01

So, it just, if I'm from an outside perspective, my mom always said, I just felt it just felt like it was a bit of a

Unknown Speaker 6:08

loner, just that type of person. Not necessarily sad, just enjoyed my own company, which wasn't really the case, I was really struggling, but

Unknown Speaker 6:20

it was, yeah. And I got very, very good at pretending.

Unknown Speaker 6:25

Which I think is a very, very common behavior, a very common defense mechanism isn't it really

Unknown Speaker 6:32

anxieties, the most common sin to my thinking many different presentations in many different disorders. And one that stopped kind of started very early in age, but it sounds like from primary school, you already had that social anxiety. Because, you know, the minute that you said you were highlighted or your where you had to stand out, you felt quite distressed, quite anxious. And that was only aggravated, which is also usually the case. The older you get, the higher the expectations,

Unknown Speaker 7:07

you know, fought fought fought for the young person, and the more difficult it is to meet those expectations. Okay, so, so you finish high school how.

Unknown Speaker 7:20

So I got, I finished I got 10 GCSEs as standard. And I got, I did exactly what I needed to do. I got CDs across the board, except to music where I got an A.

Unknown Speaker 7:35

So you get you got an A music. So obviously, music was the only thing in my life that was consistent, and I was good at.

Unknown Speaker 7:45

But again, I was very, very shy to perform. Performing wasn't something I enjoyed doing. I entered a few competitions and things like that. And and they always want.

Unknown Speaker 7:56

But I was sick beforehand. And Sharon and Jake. never enjoyed it. Yeah. It's interesting. Let me just interrupt. I'm just thinking about

Unknown Speaker 8:08

you saying that, you know, you were very anxious from from a young young age.

Unknown Speaker 8:15

But you did exceedingly well, in your primary exams prep, you know, primary school exams, you did exceedingly well, which then put you in in the highest set in high school. How can you explain apart? You know, I'm sure you've thought about too many times, and I'm just thinking about it as we're speaking. And I'm already you know, what you're trying to find an explanation. But how would you explain that if you were average, doing prime throughout primary, then you get really good grades in the exams, and then you struggle in high school? How do you have to say that it was? I mean, I probably said that, when it came to primary school, and a teacher asked the question, I often didn't know the answer. I was just scared to, in case I got it wrong. So

Unknown Speaker 9:06

it was a combination of I do probably know, I do probably know this stuff. But for fear of getting it wrong. I'm gonna stay. Yeah, I'm gonna stay where I feel comfortable. And because what I'm thinking crazy is that you can't do very well in exams. Unless you are very good. Yeah, I mean, so so. I mean, probably look up had a bit to do that as well, because I don't think I don't think my practice tests went well. I think my practice tests provider member were average is what I predicted. So I think maybe

Unknown Speaker 9:44

either a bit of luck or I just happen to know the those particular questions that were being asked. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe knows that a long time ago now. Yeah, yeah. I was just wondering crease that. I distinctly remember that.

Unknown Speaker 10:00

Teacher she still because each outside of the room one by one and gave us the results. And I must remember face going I can't believe

Unknown Speaker 10:09

how well you've done so well by one of the highest in the class. And it was she was so shocked at that. That's, that's that's definitely stuck with me that my view on that would be that you clearly have the potential and you showed it? Yes. Maybe you had 123 answers that you know, 5050. And you just got them right by chance. Yeah, fair enough. But that you did have the potential in that, that you showed it for for some reason that day, when you do, you're doing that exam, for some reason, you were in as anxious as maybe you had been before. And I'm sure you've heard about optimum performance and anxiety and the relationship, the relationship between optimum performance and level levels of arousal or anxiety. And there has to be for the optimum performance, you've got to be a little bit anxious. So you show enough interest, sure you put enough effort will not do and choose where your mind blocks completely. And I wonder crazy with you, that's been, you know, a theme in your life there because you've been anxious. And in high school as well in the lessons because you weren't very self conscious, anxious distress, you weren't able to concentrate and focus on the subject, the way you could have done, and therefore, you know, it was it's like a monster The more you fear it, the bigger it gets the monster and and eventually, he just he just took over you completely in the anxiety just overwhelmed you to the point that you stop believing in yourself and believing in the fact that you could do the work and and gave up that way. Yeah, I'm gonna do. I do know where I got some of the first classes. I think it was an English class I was in. I didn't understand the word he was saying it was beyond my. Yeah, it was genuinely beyond in capability, you know, at the time anyway, I didn't understand it.

Unknown Speaker 12:02

And it was probably that first. Probably just termed that. Yeah, that did it. Yeah. Because it was such a shock to me. Yeah. I think maybe if I'd just been in that middle class. Yeah, please. Yeah. more confident. THE MODERATOR.

Unknown Speaker 12:16

I, I definitely, distinctly remember struggling.

Unknown Speaker 12:21

And within the first week getting into water not doing the homework.

Unknown Speaker 12:25

You understand that? Yeah. So it was must have been a mixture of that. Yes. You know, probably, I probably was a bit more intelligent than I made out myself to be for the anxiety. But then that was a bit of a challenge. But it was still, I probably still deserved quiet be in that top thing. So okay, so so you get you GCSEs and then

Unknown Speaker 12:50

yeah, so

Unknown Speaker 12:52

Unknown Speaker 12:54

I went to college,

Unknown Speaker 12:57

which,

Unknown Speaker 13:00

at this point, I was doing music, almost exclusively focus on the music exclusively, because it was the only thing I could really could do well, so I took music and music technology, college, as well as psychology. To start with, because I made my ambition was to go and be a teacher. I thought psychology would be useful. And then having music, you know, teach music. So that was the path. Again, I was you know,

Unknown Speaker 13:31

I struggled with that all the social aspects of it. At that point, I was really, really

Unknown Speaker 13:39

low.

Unknown Speaker 13:42

And you were 1718? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 13:46

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 13:48

You were really low. Did anybody notice? Again? No, no. Because I was, I'd go home and I'd be smiling. Yeah, I'd be laughing and joking. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 14:00

No, no, no one knew. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 14:05

And I wanted it that way. I knew I didn't want anyone to know. No, would have been worse, in my opinion. So you were very unhappy, very low, then. Do you think it was as a consequence of your struggles with social interaction? Or do you think it was beyond that? At the time, it was probably because of how alone I was. I didn't have any friends that I really apart from getting up going to college, and then going back home again, I didn't do anything. And I'd I'd also missed out on a lot of things. I never went out with kids, you know, played in the streets and stuff and I never tried cigarettes in all the things that you do as a teenager. Growing up. I never did any of them. Because I was inside all the time on my own in my room.

Unknown Speaker 14:54

Unknown Speaker 14:56

the just the idea of getting up and going to college. Being

Unknown Speaker 15:00

Hello people was just horrifically hard to do very excited provoking.

Unknown Speaker 15:08

But I but since the the, the idea of teaching was

Unknown Speaker 15:15

really not what a way to do, it was because I felt I had to do something with music because my parents had spent so much money, educating me on it. I thought, I've got to do something with these. And I said, No, I know I can't perform. Because I'm mathematics. I would never let me do that.

Unknown Speaker 15:33

So maybe I could teach instead. So I focused on teaching

Unknown Speaker 15:38

in college, and then afterwards as well, what do you want to do then?

Unknown Speaker 15:44

You didn't, I never really had any ambitions. No, I missed something in music. thought, yeah, I am an adult, I enjoyed writing, writing my own music. I did that from an early age about eight or nine, I probably wrote my first song.

Unknown Speaker 16:00

But again,

Unknown Speaker 16:02

my parents didn't know

Unknown Speaker 16:04

how to channel that, you know, there was no way I could have taken it at the time. And

Unknown Speaker 16:10

you know, the internet hadn't really been invented denim, there's not very much really you could do with it. So let me just mention that I, when you were teaching my children, I was very impressed with your skills, not only as a musician, but your ability to know how to teach different children in different way. Because one of my children was liked studying and you started teaching her how to read music, the other daughter couldn't concentrate at all and couldn't be bothered at learning music. And you told me Don't worry, Lisa, you know, she, she will learn in her own way. And you were very, very young that you were at the time 2324. And, and I was really impressed at your ability to appreciate children's

Unknown Speaker 17:09

ways of learning being different and maximizing their own abilities in their own way. So, so I don't know whether that says something about you as a teacher or you as a musician, and your own experience learning music. But yeah, I'd say

Unknown Speaker 17:28

I remember my music teacher in high school and, and

Unknown Speaker 17:32

I would say he didn't notice me as a musician. In New I could play the keyboard a little bit.

Unknown Speaker 17:41

But he didn't, it didn't push me to buy point wide into.

Unknown Speaker 17:46

So that very much inspired me

Unknown Speaker 17:49

to if I saw potential in people to no matter how wide went round it to be sure they were pushed to that they knew they were talented. Yeah. So.

Unknown Speaker 18:02

Okay, so So tell me then when when when do you, you know, the anxiety continues, the social anxiety continue to take to get worse and worse, you continue to get less and less confident your self esteem is dropping, and you're feeling worse and worse about yourself. Your mood is dropping, as the anxiety is increasing. You keep this mask where people around you don't really know what's really going on. And what happens how, how that.

Unknown Speaker 18:37

Yeah, so I mean, I, I finished college, I got a job as more or less as a retail assistant, just a person.

Unknown Speaker 18:49

That helped in a way because it forced that that was I had to be around people had to be wrong customers. And

Unknown Speaker 18:57

so that is that a little bit.

Unknown Speaker 19:04

But then as more worths closed, shut down event now it was made redundant. That's when I decided to go to teach it. I thought this is the prime opportunity to actually try and start a business and, and do it properly.

Unknown Speaker 19:18

So I did, and

Unknown Speaker 19:23

I was very successful, as there's no bones about it. I was teaching. By the end, I

Unknown Speaker 19:29

think it was 2006 2014. It was must have been around about that time. By that point I was

Unknown Speaker 19:38

at I was working five different schools during each day, going to different schools, teaching all evenings, and then Saturdays as well. I was working six days a week, early seven o'clock in the morning all the way till 910 o'clock at night in two to four days. I was very successful

Unknown Speaker 19:56

but

Unknown Speaker 19:57

hated

Unknown Speaker 20:01

Mainly because

Unknown Speaker 20:05

Unknown Speaker 20:07

probably the financial aspects because it was because it was my own self and I was self employed. I was finding the schools to go to getting pupils and you know, 111 term, I'd have 20 kids at school, the next term, tell them to drop. And that

Unknown Speaker 20:25

irregularity of money coming in was a lot of pressure for me, and I couldn't really handle that.

Unknown Speaker 20:34

And then not all that I was, I was way stretching myself out, way beyond what I should have done six days a week, or everyday, it was too much for me. And it got to the point where one day when he was a he was a Saturday

Unknown Speaker 20:48

I had just exploded, I destroyed my house, I broke walls and took from my computer went away. I just lost everything I just gave up. couldn't just couldn't keep it all together anymore. With all the other smiling and pretending I was happy and all the it was just building and building and building. And I just

Unknown Speaker 21:12

so you had like a, like a Yeah, like a violent outburst? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 21:19

You know, breaking stuff and punching walls. And, and, and then I just yeah, so I, at that point.

Unknown Speaker 21:31

It won't have sold that day was a blur. To be honest. I don't really remember much of it. I remember ending note with the police on my door. I remember ended up going to hospital.

Unknown Speaker 21:43

Where I stayed for a few days. Well, you know.

Unknown Speaker 21:47

And that's when I had to break it to my parents that I was depressed and they anxiety and it was a really tough time. I mean, you parents, what was your parents reaction? They were distraught. They were distraught.

Unknown Speaker 22:01

My mom mom was particularly, but that's quite, you know, mellow. He doesn't he doesn't show his emotions much. But a mom displaying herself. She thought Why didn't Why didn't I know? Why didn't I spot it?

Unknown Speaker 22:15

Unknown Speaker 22:17

yeah, I was. So what happened? And so you stayed in hospital for a few days? And did you? I assume you saw psychiatry's? They did an assessment. They would have maybe come up with a diagnosis of depression. Possibly. Yeah. Yeah, it was depression and anxiety. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 22:40

Unknown Speaker 22:43

I was allowed to leave hospital and condition that I've stayed with my parents. Yeah, someone was with me. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 22:49

And that I had Sorry to interrupt. How did you feel? Then? Did you feel relieved? Did you feel that you failed? Did you feel disappointed? Did you how do you remember how you felt the biggest failure

Unknown Speaker 23:06

failure in my personal life, my

Unknown Speaker 23:09

friends or anything like that, that I felt my, my job, and that I'd failed my family, all those combined. I fell in love with it. Yeah. It was horrible. And I think Chris that is a very, very common reaction and a very common way of feeling fought for people, you know, in that situation, you know, you you know, which is interesting, because, you know, from my point of view, I think, gosh, you know, from my point of view, you were anything bought a failure, because you have tried and try and push yourself beyond belief for years fighting off, you know, what was the reality, you know, very difficult world, you know, a world that you were fighting on a daily basis and in keeping that pretense, you know, must have taken so much of you on a daily basis. Really, from my point of view, you know, I would have thought that you could feel felt relieved that at least he was out in the opening and you could now do something about it and then you know, please about yourself that you've managed to take you know, to prolong it for so long but but the way you felt was a failure you failed us you know, you sell you fail you pounds, you failed your your your pupils, you felt your job, you know, and, and it's interesting because that he is it clear symptom of depression as well, you know, self guilt. And I was, I was embarrassed as well at that venue. Because, to me, it was like to me, from nine to 10 years old, this idea that I had to pretend to be okay. became the normal for me. That's what was normal. There.

Unknown Speaker 25:00

And I thought that that was my failure that I thought maybe everyone was probably like that. just pretending to be okay. And I found that that as well and increase again, this is why we're here today, you know, having this conversation because if that day you had been diagnosed of having diabetes, you wouldn't feel guilty or a failure, you wouldn't think, oh, gosh, you know, I've got diabetes, and it's all my fault. You know, if you had been diagnosed of a, you know, cardiac, you know, of hypertension, you wouldn't feel guilty. And, and, you know, the reality is that depression, social anxiety, you know, there there are very well explained by biochemical imbalances in the brain. So they're just as physically based, you know, physiologically explained as diabetes or, or hypertension, yet, the way society sees it is that, you know, if it's anxiety or depression, you're failing, you know, that that's, that's the common, you know, the common belief wrongly, or common. But if you have diabetes, then you get all the support of everybody's they know, poor lad, you know, we'll, you know, well, we'll change your diet, and you'll be fine. And, you know, if anything, you're you, you're supported and helped through.

Unknown Speaker 26:25

Yeah, I mean, from then on, obviously, I took about a year off from bed, didn't do anything for a year.

Unknown Speaker 26:35

And I ran out of money. So I had to decide, I just think about getting a new career and a new job. So

Unknown Speaker 26:42

I just had a wedding at a hotel in Preston, bester Marriott.

Unknown Speaker 26:48

And I was sat in the function room, and I thought this was a really nice place. And that night, I looked on, and I saw there's a job going for a night, night supervisor type job, and the hotel, I thought, everyone's asleep. Few, very few people go for that job. And I applied and I got it. And that's, that's my that was my new career and

Unknown Speaker 27:12

it was a bad choice in my view, because I went backwards. And when I chose it, I chose the purpose of the job that hid away.

Unknown Speaker 27:24

So, he was a job where you could continue to avoid your difficulty instead of facing it, confronting it or dealing with it managing and overcoming it, you know, you chose it was a job or job that was going to perpetuate it to maintain it in the in the hidden. Yeah. Which again, led to

Unknown Speaker 27:47

at the same pattern again, finding more reclusive more and more. And to the point, let me let me ask you, when when you were in hospital and you were diagnosed with depression, anxiety, am I correct to assume that you will prescribe medication, antidepressants with you know, anti prisoners normally have an anti retake effect as well, most of them are first one on but I've gone through quite a few of them because a lot of them are side effects for me. All right. So now I'm fluoxetine. Yeah. 60 milligrams 60 milligrams. So again, do you know

Unknown Speaker 28:24

i'm sure you do but

Unknown Speaker 28:27

the with locked in many of those type of antidepressants, lower dosages, manage the mood and higher dosages. Reach the anxiety. So if you're on 60 milligrams is because it's treating the anxiety, not just the mood. Okay. Yeah, I think the anxieties been probably underlying Yeah, yeah. It sounds like the Depression was a consequence of chronic anxiety. Yeah. Which is so very, very often the case Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 29:01

So yeah, so after a few years of working nights

Unknown Speaker 29:06

just hit rock bottom again. I tried to my life a few times, a few times. So when you try to end your life the first time

Unknown Speaker 29:17

Did anybody know about it? Not only you mentally before then.

Unknown Speaker 29:24

I did. I tried it in high school I self taught in high school and stuff like that. So right.

Unknown Speaker 29:30

Nobody knew about it in high school either. Okay, because when you sell farmed if you caught yourself

Unknown Speaker 29:36

Do you think what do you think was the purpose of that was good? Because in my experience, Grace when when I've had you know people, young people about you, they'll say, either Is there a release of distress, the you know, the physical pain release is somehow the emotional hurt. So they do it not because they want to end

Unknown Speaker 30:00

That lives or because because they want to release pain, you know, just emotional distress through physical pain. Some other people have said, Well, I was hoping that somebody would see it, and they would be able to help me that way.

Unknown Speaker 30:15

Mine wasn't either of those mine was genuinely

Unknown Speaker 30:19

hoped that it would i would bleed today really.

Unknown Speaker 30:25

Because

Unknown Speaker 30:29

it probably the pub I always have had with it. And it's probably quite common as a couldn't stand the pain. The pain was too much. So I got so deep and then I had to stop

Unknown Speaker 30:41

with the so the attempt of suicide wasn't successful, because the physical pain stopped you from it. That's interesting. So then, then I tried hanging

Unknown Speaker 30:54

again soon as it hit my neck.

Unknown Speaker 30:58

And I felt like that pain that I dragged on and stop myself.

Unknown Speaker 31:04

If I could find a painless way of doing it, I would probably probably do it even today.

Unknown Speaker 31:11

Why would you today Chris?

Unknown Speaker 31:14

I'm

Unknown Speaker 31:16

again I don't I there's very little point I see the lie face I am a lot better than I was socially. You know, I

Unknown Speaker 31:28

phlox things obviously helping me.

Unknown Speaker 31:31

But I wouldn't join it in. I don't get any enjoyment in life whatsoever anymore. What any more? Well, you haven't for the sound where you've never done know that the only thing was music. That's the only thing that ever is ever kept me going and does it not? I'm struggling with it. Why Why?

Unknown Speaker 31:54

Now, I

Unknown Speaker 31:58

still think I can't do

Unknown Speaker 32:01

enough of it.

Unknown Speaker 32:03

Physically to make it worthwhile. I can't I last bit just before locked down. I did my first ever live gig. I've never done one before.

Unknown Speaker 32:17

I did three and then locked down and up. And

Unknown Speaker 32:22

they were the three hardest things I've ever, ever done in my mind. Because I was filming in beforehand my hand but physically like this could barely, barely play the piano was I was just doing it. Yeah. And I thought

Unknown Speaker 32:38

I can't turn this into I can't turn this. Even though I enjoy music. If I'm at home and I play and sing. I'm as happy as anything. Yeah. But I tend to turn it into a career. Yeah, I can't do that. So it's like, I got nothing. I got nothing. So Chris, what what what I'm hearing correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm hearing is that you feel

Unknown Speaker 33:04

hopeless, that you will ever be in a position where you've controlled anxiety to a degree where you can perform in front of people and do what you love most, which is playing music. Yeah. So big. Because you've lost hope that that will ever be the case, then you think life isn't worth it. I might just as well kill myself. Is that? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah. So So if

Unknown Speaker 33:37

there was a way,

Unknown Speaker 33:40

you know, what, whatever that way was, whether it's through medication that hasn't worked, as well as one would wish it has worked because your your anxiety is less, but he hasn't got rid of all your anxiety to the point where you can perform in front of people but but if there was a way if you could see somehow, you know, with a magic crystal ball, that there will be a way whether it's through medication, whether it's through

Unknown Speaker 34:14

you know,

Unknown Speaker 34:16

other types of therapy, whether it's through you growing as an individual and managing your own fears. If there was a way where you could control anxiety and

Unknown Speaker 34:32

leave your life through music, that is your passion and perform, then that would change the way you think about suicide or not.

Unknown Speaker 34:46

Overall now, probably not. Now, because what am I missing them

Unknown Speaker 34:52

because even if I could

Unknown Speaker 34:59

I don't

Unknown Speaker 35:00

Know

Unknown Speaker 35:02

how many people can do that successfully as a career

Unknown Speaker 35:07

and be comfortable with with money I've got a mortgage to pay we've got a lot of bills to pay icon

Unknown Speaker 35:17

I can't take a risk but I would lose my home my comfort My only

Unknown Speaker 35:26

little piece of

Unknown Speaker 35:29

and risk it for something that might not work right okay so I sense rightly or wrongly crease that you know you are more hopeless than I thought because even when I'm when I'm suggesting a way to do what you love the most, you're still thinking Yes, but that might not pay my mortgage and and and it may or may not and you you may need a smaller mortgage or you may need an extra job or you may need

Unknown Speaker 36:05

you know, a different way of doing of doing things but

Unknown Speaker 36:11

I just I just feel Chris that you know there is there is a bigger emptiness in you that that that it isn't just about

Unknown Speaker 36:24

the anxiety and the depression is about

Unknown Speaker 36:29

almost you know as I was saying a hold less view of

Unknown Speaker 36:37

you as a as an individual in this in this world is you your your purpose and and almost almost I feel I feel crazy almost that all no you've given up on happiness

Unknown Speaker 36:53

and I'm trying to sort of twist it in a way to make you think right well if music is your passion, you know that must be your purpose therefore you know if you if you did that then you'll find happiness but something something is not quite there something else is quite missing something is what

Unknown Speaker 37:15

what worries me is if

Unknown Speaker 37:18

if I fail at music if I divide give my everything to push to other career that why would be happier and then I fail

Unknown Speaker 37:31

then I'm

Unknown Speaker 37:33

then I'm in trouble. Yeah, I can't deal with that. Yeah, I'd rather not

Unknown Speaker 37:40

tevinter done

Unknown Speaker 37:43

that's that's too much. Right well again see is that is that almost hope hope less a approach crease that I'm sensing sensing because you not even wanting to try just in case of failing. So you see in failure as such a big big

Unknown Speaker 38:04

chance such a posit such a possible reality that you're not even wanting to try it and why you seen it possibly because of your own experiences because you will have failed you know, you try and mascot mascot mascot mascot for so many years. And then it was a massive you know, outburst of violence and distress. And he You're so many years later and it's almost like you you know you feel very very well and you don't want to try just in case you fail. Because that then there wouldn't be any hope. whilst they don't try? Well, I can always say there's that option of trying but if I try and fail, then there won't be any. Were all there. I mean, if I did about three or four different senior different people trying to help me

Unknown Speaker 38:55

This is where we all reach the same point.

Unknown Speaker 38:59

I know what I need to do to fix my problem to fix my mental health.

Unknown Speaker 39:06

I can't do it.

Unknown Speaker 39:09

Because because

Unknown Speaker 39:11

there's nothing that will make me do it. You can't convince me

Unknown Speaker 39:16

that it will be okay.

Unknown Speaker 39:19

I've might it's so embedded in me that I will fail because I always seem to fail.

Unknown Speaker 39:27

I won't even try anymore

Unknown Speaker 39:30

but by not trying you failing

Unknown Speaker 39:35

because what you're telling me it let me let me challenge the only failure that I'm good. Yeah. Well, let me put it in different in different my my belief craze is that you never fail when you've tried. You only learn. You don't you don't fail when you've tried to just learn lessons you either win and achieve what you what you aim for. Or

Unknown Speaker 40:00

You've learned to lesson, a lesson that only makes you stronger and puts you in a stronger position to try again and achieve it then I can't I can't give I can't find an outcome

Unknown Speaker 40:12

where I tried music. And if I fail, I can't I can't there's no good outcome. In my in my view. I can't find one. There. There isn't one. Well, we'll have to, we'll have to continue this conversation.

Unknown Speaker 40:28

later on. But But you know what? I? That's where I am today. Yeah, you were stoked. You very stoked very strong. You're very stuck because you are still in hospitality career don't want to be in I picked it because it was wet the way it is. I can avoid a lot of people. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 40:48

So yeah, I am, I am genuinely stuck in, you are stuck. And you're stuck. which is which is

Unknown Speaker 40:56

you know, it's

Unknown Speaker 40:59

frustrating, I suppose is the word I'm looking for. It's frustrating for me. Because I know your potential. I've seen you as a musician. I've heard you singing, I've seen you play piano. I've seen you teaching my children and I see your potential in yet, you soul fearful of trying that you give up on yourself because of your own fear. And that fear that fear? I just, I just wonder where it's coming from Chris, if it's coming from, from you fate, you failing to yourself or failing to society or failing? Is it what people would think about you? Or is it you know, because we all fall down, we get open and try, you know, if you felt that you had the respect the acceptance, the admiration and the love of everybody around you? Would you be SP fall? Or would you just try and if it doesn't work, try something else. And if it doesn't work, try something else, the world is full of doors that we just have to open, you know, and if one doesn't quite open enough, then just try another one. And then just try another one. And and every time you try an open one, you learn something about that door and that that option. And but you so fearful that you're not even willing to try and open it. And that's what we need to do? Well, there's a good example that I've that I've always struggled with. And

Unknown Speaker 42:28

so I still struggle with supermarkets or shops. I will I always go to the same shop. I only walk down certain aisles. I don't interact with anyone, I don't look at anybody. I use the Self Service checkouts, I will not go down now that I don't normally go down con. And every single one of the people that have I've seen to try and help me said, Okay, let's go Monday, and we'll go down and out younger down.

Unknown Speaker 42:57

Come

Unknown Speaker 42:58

there's nothing you can do. You could nothing you can do will get me to go down and out. I don't normally go down.

Unknown Speaker 43:06

I know, I know nothing bad is going to happen. I fully know that. Will I go down and Why not? Because it's it's an it's an unknown variable that I do not wish to take. Because I don't know how.

Unknown Speaker 43:23

But you just said that no bad outcome is going to happen. Oh, yeah, I know. But it still doesn't stop reaching a very good example crease with is a very good example with the music that we're saying, you know, you may know that trying the music, you know, can't be a bad outcome. You're not willing to try it because you know, it's an Unknown, Unknown venue.

Unknown Speaker 43:47

Right? Well, we'll we'll you know, as I say, at least you know, you do, you're aware of your challenges, you're aware of where you are, and you're aware of what doesn't work, and we just need to think about what might work. When you say you've seen people you mean therapist, yeah. Okay. And I suppose that you are under the care of a psychiatrist. GP prescribes the medication. Okay. All right. Okay, so um, right, let's, let's, let's wrap up. Chris.

Unknown Speaker 44:26

What

Unknown Speaker 44:29

would you like to say to people that to it to anyone that is you know, that he is sharing this your experience today? Anyone that suffers with mental health problems or anyone, anyone that that that leaves or hasn't hasn't is in contact with, with people that suffer from mental health problems. What is there anything that you would like to, to say to you know, any message that you would like to

Unknown Speaker 44:59

I think more than one or the other

Unknown Speaker 45:00

Other things that I've learned is it

Unknown Speaker 45:04

it's not a bad thing to talk to someone about. It isn't.

Unknown Speaker 45:11

It might seem like it's a bad idea to tell people that you are struggling. But

Unknown Speaker 45:20

he ends up not being. And that's the one thing I take away from it that

Unknown Speaker 45:28

you need to just reach out. And even if it's any, anybody just reach out to somebody, and might feel better.

Unknown Speaker 45:38

But thank you for that. That's a I agree, I completely agree with that. It's a big, it's a, it's a big challenge to do very hard to do. But when you when you've done it, you've you find that actually, it is helpful. Yeah, that's what i what i hear most common. Thank you for that. My message, I think would be, you know, based on our conversation, Chris.

Unknown Speaker 46:07

One is that you are challenging creeps. You know, in your you're very,

Unknown Speaker 46:13

you know, rigid ideas about not trying. But what I would say, Chris, to you and to anyone listening or reading these, is that

Unknown Speaker 46:26

the way I see it, Chris, I'm a child psychiatrist challenge is to take characters with 25 years of experience in psychiatry, and an all my life from the age of seven, leaving with mental illness in my family. And what I can tell you that I feel in my heart today craves is that your biggest challenge is not your anxiety, is your fear.

Unknown Speaker 46:50

That is your biggest challenge. And

Unknown Speaker 46:53

what you what I would suggest that you think about is where is that fear coming from? He said, Is he your own fear? Or is it fear around the world? What the world, my my how how you think the world will see you, if you so fail, as I said before, and I repeated, I don't believe in failing, when one tries, there's only two options when you try, there's only two options. One is to win, and and achieve what you were aiming for. The other is to learn another lesson. And you know, therefore there's no, there's no, there's no third option, which is Failing that, that to me, I don't believe in it. So, so yeah, that would be that would be my message. And is there anything, Chris that I've not asked you about? Or that you would like to say before we finish anything, anything else?

Unknown Speaker 47:54

Yeah, I just finished then saying thank you so very much, Chris, for sharing this with all of us. Thank you for for me, for me, you're already my hero, because you, you know, you've you know, sharing these and in speaking so honestly and so openly about your own experiences, you know, is it easy, it's a sign of courage. And you know, and I really think that if you've got the strength to do these, you really have the strength to do anything you want. You just have to find you just have to believe it. And you're a non believer yet, so but only yet. Thank you so much for being here today and for sharing these and thank you everybody for listening to us as well.

Diagnosed of ADHD at 50: a Life Changing experience

LEON & NOEL, THE NEURODIVERGENT TWINS

Leon and Noel are twins and both have diagnoses of ADHD and ASD but there couldn’t be two more different people … and that, I’d say, is the magic of life!

REFLECTIONS: "I BELIEVE"

I BELIEVE... in the bright inner diamond that we ALL have and makes us all PERFECT; do you?

The Fascinating ADHD and ASD comorbidity

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Diagnosed of ADHD at 50: a Life Changing experience

Diagnosed of ADHD at 50: a Life Changing experience

Introduction

Aim of this Article

Prevalence of ADHD as Diagnosis and as Presentation, two different things!

ADHD Diagnosis + Treatment changing Lives after the age of 50:

J’s story

M's Story

TAKE HOME MESSAGE:

Closing Statement

ADHP and Theory of Evolution, a Hypothesis by Dr. Luisa Sanz, Psychiatrist

ADHP and THEORY of EVOLUTION, a Hypothesis

HYPOTHESIS:

GROUNDS FOR THE HYPOTHESIS:

ADHD... Diagnosis or Not? An Exploration with Dr. Luisa Sanz

GIVING CONTEXT TO THE QUESTION

AIM OF DIAGNOSIS AND/OR TREATMENT

To gain better understanding of myself...

So people don’t judge me or say I’m “lazy/thick/disrespectful” or other...

To get the right support in Education or at work...

To have an easier life...

To take medication...

To be happier...

Psychiatrist Breaks Down The Anatomy Of Achievable, Sustainable Goals

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What are some benefits of setting sustainable, achievable goals?

Do you believe there is a direct link between goals and happiness?

What are some tactics that one may use to inspire real lasting change in their lives?

What are some unhealthy or toxic assumptions or beliefs about goals?

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“I Just Want Him to Be Happy:” The Long Road To An Autism Diagnosis For Mother & Son

Preface

Introduction

Lucy & Miles’ Story

After the Diagnosis

Helpless & Lonely

Leaving School

Moving Forward

Lucy’s Message

Interview Audio

Interview Transcript

Here’s What You Need To Know About ADHD: The Basics (VIDEO SERIES)

﻿ Spanish Videos

Music & Mental Health: A Story Of Anxiety, Depression, And Hitting Rock Bottom

Preface

Introduction

Chris’s Story

A Breaking Point

Rock Bottom

Today

Closing Messages

Key Takeaways from Dr. Sanz

Interview Audio

Interview Transcript

Spanish Videos